Naomi

🏳️‍⚧️ | she/her | 24 | 🇬🇧 OK! 🇩🇪 OK! 🇻🇳 OK! 🇯🇵 studying ;; | glasses enthusiast | might rt NSFW works | header by @riiein | pfp by @yencatx

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 that looks so cozy and niiiice!!

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 so real girl

[^ @whisperandwords]

idgaf how many fish are in the sea. i want that fish. that fish is my fish. i love that fish and i will forever love that fish and i don’t want no other fish but that fish

[positivity moon @arrtnem]

More like you’re 26 but you feel 23 inside, and it’s not because you’re immature. It’s because the last few years didn’t develop you - they scrambled you. Time passed, but it didn’t land in your body as growth the way it’s “supposed” to. It landed as noise. Stress. Survival. Weird limbo. Half living.

A lot of people lost a clean stretch of adulthood. Not just because of the pandemic, though that’s a big one. Also because the world has been running on rolling crisis mode for years. Money anxiety, job churn, rent rising, relationships collapsing under pressure, attention shredded by phones, constant comparison, constant doom. When you’re in that state, you’re not learning in a linear way. You’re coping. You’re getting through the week. You’re doing mental triage.

coping doesn’t always build you. Sometimes it freezes you.

You know that feeling when you look at your peers and it seems like they “caught up” to adulthood faster? They have routines, relationships, savings, a calm tone, a sense of direction. And you’re sitting there like… I can barely keep my laundry from becoming a geological formation. I still feel like a teenager in an adult costume. I still get that stomach drop when an email looks serious. I still avoid phone calls like they’re predators. I still don’t feel like I’m driving my life, I feel like I’m being dragged behind it.

That’s the “2-3 years behind” feeling.

usually not a skill gap. It’s a nervous system gap.

People think development is about milestones. Job. Apartment. Partner. Degree. But a lot of “growing up” is internal. It’s your ability to regulate, to plan, to recover, to trust yourself, to handle boring admin without collapsing, to believe that your future is real enough to invest in.

when you’re anxious or depressed or dissociated for long stretches, you don’t get to build those layers smoothly. You might still be functioning. You might still be doing the external stuff. But internally you feel younger because your system is still stuck in earlier modes: avoid, appease, freeze, fantasize, survive.

compare yourself to who exactly? The versions people post?

A lot of people look “ahead” because they’re performing stability. They have the job title and the nice photos and the “adult” aesthetic, and you don’t see the part where they’re also texting their mom in a panic, or crying in their car, or living paycheck to paycheck, or avoiding their own mess. Their life looks organized because they show the clean corner, not the pile behind the door.

Still, the feeling is real. And it usually shows up in specific places.

when you’re with older adults and you feel like a kid listening. When someone talks about mortgages or babies or promotions and your brain goes blank. When you realize you never got the slow practice of being an adult, you got thrown into it. When you notice you still want someone to tell you what to do. When you’re scared you missed the “becoming” part and now you’re just late.

that matters:

Feeling behind is often your mind trying to explain grief.

Grief for time you didn’t get the way you wanted. Time you spent surviving. Time you spent stuck. Time you spent numb. Time you spent in relationships that drained you. Time you spent trying to be okay instead of building.

grief gets translated into a simple story: I’m behind.

Because “I’m behind” feels actionable. You can fix behind. You can catch up. Grief feels heavier. It’s harder to hold.

if you feel 2-3 years behind, you’re not broken. You’re probably just honest. You’re noticing the gap between your age and your internal readiness. That gap is common now.

And it’s not permanent.

It shrinks when your nervous system stabilizes.
It shrinks when you stop living in reaction.
It shrinks when you build boring consistency.
It shrinks when you stop measuring adulthood by someone else’s timeline and start measuring it by your ability to show up for your own life.

[Adéṣẹ̀tọ́ @Illusionist_126]

I know someone who used to self-harm a lot. She struggled so much that she often spoke of ending it all. My own days were not easy then, yet I could see plainly that her load was the heavier one. I took to ringing her each day, needing to hear her voice, to know she had survived another night. I remember fashioning a sort of playful oath between us that if she ever slip away, I would follow her straight down to the hell itself, if only to give her the most thorough scolding she had ever received.

There is a viral tweet where the author said they despised "sad people" or "people who are always sad." I believe such declarations spring either from a comfortable ignorance of true suffering or from a corrosive self-hatred. Both are troubling. Those who have genuinely lost someone to suicide understand the frivolousness of such pronouncements. What purpose do they serve, except to deepen the shame of those already steeped in it? And if it stems from self-loathing, you have merely invited strangers to confirm your darkest suspicions about yourself. If you are reading this and recognize yourself, know that you do not deserve contempt for your struggles.

Anyhoo, I am going to tell you for free that "what we like" is overrated. Most of us simply need to be more responsible and destroy this idea that things have to be comfortable to be acted upon. We need to seriously revive our sense of duty. Many things are going to be uncomfortable in this life and yet they will be necessary. I did not like that I got anxious when I tried her number and she did not pick up. Her tears were gut-wrenching, It was sad and frustrating that someone close to me struggled so much, yet, I felt like I couldn't do anything about it. But I had to do whatever it is I could do at the time to not make her feel helpless and lonely. For a struggling person close to suicide, there are limited options and none of them are pleasant. A little perception from you can reduce the fire that surrounds them.

I realized early that the world was not fashioned to suit my temperament. It is no different for you either. Why are you loving in bits and buts? Who said anything was going to be easy? Presence, even when absence is more convenient is the true essence of community. I rather doubt anyone wakes choosing sadness. If someone appears to linger in despair even when escape seems possible, they are already unwell. One does not develop an affinity for death unless their will to live has been seriously poisoned.

They may hide it, they will perhaps tell you that nothing is wrong, but please do not ever ignore signs or see it as an avenue to stay clear. A part of their soul is reaching out, they want to be held. They want to not feel alone. The way I best understand this is to imagine the worst case scenarios. If your friend told you they meant to end their life today, what would you do? If they lay in hospital with some physical malady, would you turn away? If you yourself were drowning, would you truly wish to be left to the depths alone?

[lets heal and recover @recovery_your]

Suicidal thoughts don’t always sound like
“I want to die.”

Sometimes they sound like:
• I don’t see a future for myself.
• I’m exhausted from existing.
• I feel like a burden just by being here.
• I disappear even when I’m in the room.
• Everything feels heavy for no clear reason.
• I don’t want to be awake anymore.

These aren’t attention-seeking thoughts.
They’re survival signals.

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 it's only going up at this point, bestie

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 did I just hear Goldenglow alter

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 I mean, that looks insanely good for "just" 5 euros

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 is that Ambriel and if so: global range pink haired girls demolishers

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 life is reall good, gz gz

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 but more pretty women- but yeah, ExuAlter

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 I'm just that good and based

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 HARIKITTE IKOU >:D

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 when the gang pulls up

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 honse

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@Starnesss1 pretty based line up, Lilia got TASTE

[Naomi @Naocchi_x3]

@wolfnotalk started watching since end of 2022/star of 2023, been loving your progress- keep it up, love your style :))