NatCon Morning Herald

The NatCon Morning Herald provides factual and unbiased information regarding NatCon and events surrounding it (Satire/Parody lmao)

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

NLS, National Labour Students or National Labour Scandals?
Several NLS whistleblowers have revealed that after their pathetic loss on conference floor many members "mobilised" to the pokies, gambling away all their factional tithes. Unity and SAlt are yet to comment #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Lobbying? What's that? In terms of Stupol, SAlt doesn't seem to know what it means. A new report shows that 98.5% of SAlt members (ABS, 2022) believe lobbying is the act of building hotel lobbies or lobbies for other organisations. #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Quote attributed to: @NoCon2022
Source: https://t.co/slN16bXSbz

[NoCon @NoCon2022]

Call me a fascist but I love my zinger boxes 💪💪 #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Zinger Boxes, a succulent KFC meal or a "fascist" dog whistle used to unite the far-right? Many independent sources have reported many extremist groups rallying around Zinger Boxes after the appalling behaviour seen yesterday
#natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

A case of Trot Rot has been located in Germany, a new symptom has been found:
- Falling for obvious satire

Could this be a new strain of Trot Rot? #natcon22 #natcon2022

[David E. Schillaci @DieterDdel1]

🙄

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Recent documents show that CIA has been in collaboration with SAlt to destabilise another democratically elected leftist government. However the blame should really be put on NLS, as their inability to make plans to mobilise on key issues has lead them open to attack #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

In protest of the Marriage Equality plebiscite result in 2017, Unity have released a saltwater crocodile into the conference room, tearing 16 Young Katterists to pieces to make up for the amount of people that should've been torn to death instead of passing the act.
#natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

With the growing cigar users base, many look onto @NLSDartCaucus and why they are thrown aside and classified as "miscellaneous". What does this mean for their Cuban caucus members and those who work within the Cigar industry?
#natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Rumours have been circulating around the legitimacy of @NLSDartCaucus, some sources indicate there is a faceless person from an unnamed faction silently stacking the caucus from many fronts. #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Currygate, an anti working class tragedy or a loony insurrectionist conspiracy? Reports indicate that SAlt allegedly hates the working class and actively supports food insecurity. Both curry chicken unions and student food insecurity unions demand action.
#currygate #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Symptoms also include:
- Supporting privatisation
- Using Right Wing talking points

WHO commits to developing treatments and vaccind as soon as possible.
In the meanwhile, avoid anyone displaying these symptoms, as it may possibly be airborne.

(3/3)
#natcon22 #natcon2022

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

URGENT HEALTH INFORMATION! A new disease colloquially called "Trot Rot" has been found in alarming amounts within relatively wealthy city populations. The mode transmission is currently unknown, the WHO is still conducting a speedy investigation
(1/2) #NatCon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Symptoms include:
- Rapid cerebral atrophy
- Aggression
- A concerning aversion to
° Sex Workers
° Queer people
° Intersex people
° Asexual and Aromantic people
° Disabled people
° Women
° Femme identifying people
° First Nations people
° BIPOC

(2/3)

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

NLS and Unity have pushed for super against SAlt's protests. Hoe they plan to fund it, pretty simple, nationalising the Preston Market. The staunch Gaetano Greco faction within SAlt have left the conference in protest. #natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Realising that most of their members are from privileged urban regions, SAlt has just announced that they have started a Pol Pot thought faction in order to stand in solidarity with their agrarian comrades from the regions. #natcon22 #Natcon2022

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Quote attributed to: @laybour_unity
https://t.co/i25VcRY3WJ

[Phoenix Caucus @laybour_unity]

unity’s smokers caucus increases by 5% with unity punch or a beer in the hand

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

New polling suggest an uptake in vaping support amongst Unity and a decrease amongst SAlt, a Unity spokesman stated that support for vaping and smoking has increased due to an uptake in "Unity punch" and "beer". #natcon22 #Natcon2022

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Where's the "Bill"? After both protest, from NLS and Unity, William "Bill" Overbeck has been finally found. We thank both factions for their concern about Bill and his wellbeing.
#natcon22

[NatCon Morning Herald @NatConMH]

Have your dreams been invaded? Several Unity and NLS members report having dreams with SAlt in them, some stated that as they slept they "could still hear their screams" and that "even while sleeping, the Trots harassed me" #natcon22