Birdi

An idiot with a pencil and too many ideas
🐽🐸🐽

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

If ever I need to be humbled I just have to check the photos of me that my mother deems fit to post on her facebook

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Silent but violent only applies to humans
If you can hear your dog fart, you know it's going to be a different level of foul
#IAmSuffering

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

I have so much respect for instant mashed potatoes

Of all of the instant, just add water, foodstuffs out there, instant mash is the only one that really stands up to the fresh stuff

Honestly, it might even be better, I could never get my mash this lump free without a blender

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

I want to conduct a study to see if there is a noticeable difference in the brains of normal people vs people who try to crawl up your arse in a queue

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Never been more proud of a lettuce

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

The Boys is one of those shows you really shouldn't watch with dinner but I never learn

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

The fact that everyone I know has had to rely on YouTube livestreamers to watch ThorVEddie is ridiculous #segitv

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Lady in Sainsbury's ID'd me for ibuprofen
Left
Then came back to say "You're really 28!? But you look so young!'
This is such a rush

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

...sir, where were your trousers? 🤔

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

The masculine urge to stick literally any object you can find up your arse

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

So are we all just gonna ignore that Ebanana Scrooge is into vore?

Cool cool cool

What is it with Aldi and sentient foods desperately wanting to be eaten?

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

I've always been dubious of the concept of cheese scones
I tried one for the first time today
I remain unconvinced

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

One day I will be able to spell gouache without first typing my best guess into Google and waiting to be corrected

Today was not that day

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Since it's customary to leave flowers at graves, why not turn cemeteries into giant wildflower meadows?
Honour the dead and save the bees in one fell swoop
(And save the groundskeeper the finicky work of mowing the lawn between all those headstones)

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

But how did Kim Kardashian eat at the Met Gala?
Like did she take the whole face thing off or did she just pull up the bottom bit...like Spiderman...?

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

So the Cruella film sets up Pongo and Perdita as being from the same litter... so all the main puppies from 101 Dalmatians are inbred?

That's...just kind of not a direction I expected Disney to go in but ok

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Hey @marksandspencer who in their right mind believes 2 chicken wings is a whole serving!?
Sort yourselves out

#YesIDidEatTheWholePackByMyself #ButThisAintAboutThat

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

I thought adding limoncelo to coke would make lemon coke
It does not

It just makes sad coke😔

💀🍋💀

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

Every time I write an assignment I spend the whole time thinking "this is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever written"

And then the next assignment comes along and breaks the record again

[Birdi @NatashaBird]

You ever get a parcel that is so securely packaged that opening it feels like some kind of challenging enrichment activity for zoo animals?