Neil Godwin

Semi-professional air drummer

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Someone must've ordered a 99 Bake. #DulceDeInsuranceFraud

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Mum's just cleaned my airforces, feel like pure shit. #januaryblues #airforcejuancarlos

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

The Spoons waiters presenting a tray of Apple Sourz to the table. #KingsSpeech #GoldFrankincenseAndMurrFromImpracticalJokers #Seshlehem

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

That ten seconds of no-lane carnage after a toll booth is quality. #GuidoPitStop

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

I ought to make some witty yet crude comment about this Eastleach-based Uber driver's name, but then again some jokes just write themselves. #ThrobbinVanGirthy #DrainThecockJohnson

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Query of the quarter: Who are uber drivers on the phone to? Whoever's on the other end has the patience of a saint. Endless minutes and miles will go by between words and yet they refuse to hang up. If they're faking it then my mate Phongphang is a bloody good actor! #Blueteeth

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

@Dishoom

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Kettle on, slippers off, and an 8-person Vanilla Swiss-roll locked and loaded. I can't wait to settle down and watch the last round of The Masters. With Tiger Woods pulling out for the first time in years, i'm sure anything can happen. #BearNecessideez #CocklesWarmed

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

@jfrancis1122 What does this mean!

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Never liked 'Karens', but there's no greater defence in awkward public situations than having a Karen on your side. Having spotted 4 youths quejump the eurostar, i've just seen the captain of the Karen 1st XV send them home with their Stone Island tails between their legs. #Kazza

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

I'm no Nostradamus, but I can definitely tell what a present is before its unwrapped. I can't believe its 14 years late, but it looks like Santa has finally got me the lightsaber i've always wanted. Not sure why mum seems so happy though, must be a closet Mace Windu fan. #R2DZNTZ

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Answer: 82 minutes
Question: How long did it take my grandparents to realise Happy Feet Two is an animated movie and not a documentary.
Bless their cotton socks.
#LobsterPinguine #SadHandsThree

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Just escaped a fire in the Library. Everyone got out safely apart from a small group of people who took a double gap year. Unbelievably, they are all stranded on the 4th floor and are wearing berets, carhartt jackets, turtlenecks, flared jeans, doc martins and frilly scarves.

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Dear all, please show respect and join me for a minute long silence in remembrance for all those who bought a FLY Halloween ticket at retail price. Lest we forget dem bussin beatz tonight. #DuttyWhininNDinin

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Urgent petition for a fast walking lane on waverley bridge. Its like trying to overtake at the Monaco GP with a transit van atm. Also, why have ambulances become louder this month. #TingThaiMotorhome

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Madagascar (A). The only king that wouldn't postpone the premier league. #LordOfTheLemurs #SmileNWave

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Question of the day. Why do chunanis that pop up on shuffle and take you by surprise sound a gazzillion times better than if they were just selected. #PaftDunk

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

@CoenFreddie Tree. 🚫🧢

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

@DjayErskine @sonnyerskine @JamesTa69306010 @rahulammin @feastwood909 @ColeWhittingham 😔

[Neil Godwin @NeilGodwin4]

Answer: 12,763,622
Question: How many Amex Airmiles has Pitbull accumulated since 2005.
#MrWorldwide #HotelMotelPremierInn