Your family blames you for ignoring what's going on around you, friends blame you for lack of care and sudden distance, everyone blames you for sudden change, no one realizes that you're completely drained and exhausted, no one understands that you're going through your worst.
I literally constantly need something to be obsessed with whether it's a show or a band or a person or else I have no motivation or purpose to live.. being obsessed is everything that keeps me going on.
sometimes you know you shouldn't be left alone cause your thoughts will eat you from inside but it's too hard to make an effort and ask somebody to be there
I can spend days without talking to anyone.Probably my biggest flex. It is not like I don't need anyone. It is just I am having zero expectations from anyone right now.The level of *idgaf* I have achieved this year is dangerous.
But the peace that comes with it is fascinating.
I feel like my entire life is one vicious cycle of isolating myself, hating everyone, having people take interest in me, opening up to them, being abandoned, and isolating myself again. ๐
The habits I adopt are slowly killing me. Like a disease, darkness is spreading through my body. I really just ain't fighting anymore.
I fear, once it reaches the core of my heart, there is no turning back.
I used to think loving people more than myself made me a good person but in reality it made me a very sad person.
Soft reminder that you donโt have to wait for people to care about you the way you wish they would and that goes for friends/relationships/family etc.