Never Seen Posts

Social media just got real.

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Just farted on an empty elevator and smiled at the person getting on as I got off. #leaveamark #silentbutdeadly

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

@SNLUpdate This week, President Trump said he’s considering rejoining the Pacific Trade Pact. Trump decided to pull out of the Pacific Trade Pact immediately after he took office - faster than he decided to pull out of Stormy Daniels.

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Just farted so loud and unexpectedly I scared myself. #whereisthedogwhenyouneedhim #hidetheblowtorch #wakeupcall

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

4th day in yoga pants and self awareness just evaporated like the milk on 7 layer bar I just ate. #spandexexpands #yogapantsdontlie #spankme

[Beau Willimon @BeauWillimon]

Red, Blue, White, Black, Brown, Everyone - we're all on the same team. Let's not forfeit our country to anger & fear

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

#foreignobject found in #groceries when home. #strawberryparfait #artificiallyflavored #kidsdotheshopping #red40

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

@AmericanAir I'd respond but need to regain feeling in my fingers first. Circulation cut off during five hour trip in your #cattlecarclass

[americanair @AmericanAir]

@NeverSeenPosts We love all of our customers, regardless of boarding order. No cement or tar levels on our planes, we promise!

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

@AmericanAir has a gazillion #priorityboarding levels from #Diamond down to #Quartz. Apparently, my status is #Cement just ahead of #Tar

[God @tweetIikeagod]

What Yoga really is: spending an entire hour, trying Not to fart.

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Bought a lifetime supply of this and slathered it EVERYWHERE. #fountainofyouth #checkbackin2weeks #faceliftinabottle

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

#Spring! Time to shave my pits and legs! #I couldweaveablanket #isitcoldinhereorisitjustme?

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Seeing some not so little black dresses 'round here... #JWLBD2015

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Just got an email from my son's teacher giving me a heads up that she send a note home that needs to be signed by a parent! #Parenthood

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Just poured the Cheez-It crumbs from the bottom of the bag into my mouth. And liked it. #NeverSeenPosts #EZDinner

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

I just do my kids homework to get it over with. #goingforallA's #NeverSeenPosts

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Didn't get a puppy for my little boy, got it to play scapegoat for my farts. #oopshediditagain #pullhistail

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Skinny jeans or sausage casings? Either way, if these fit over my ass, then they're coming home with me. #fittingroomnightmares #dontjudgeme

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Hubby has bought me the same Valentine's Day card three years in a row and didn't notice. #ifitaintbrokedontfixit #dumbass

[Never Seen Posts @NeverSeenPosts]

Gave the hubby the Valentine's Day card I got him last year in new envelope and he didn't notice. #gogreen #recycledlove #saavy