UCSB Nexustentialism

Daily Nexus satire section. The last bastion of the talentless and the self-defeated.

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

Damn I miss her

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

It’s the first day of class. You’re going to your first class, ever, perhaps. It’s hot outside. You’re walking — no, you’re busting your ass to get to class before the clock hits 8 a.m. @Nexustentialism

https://t.co/dABiS6vaCo

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

Breaking: Andrew Tate has been banned from the Playa Life IV Rent Portal

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

someone said it looks like a norwegian prison

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Spring quarter saw a number of campus groups tour the mock-up ahead of general student tours, which began in June.

https://t.co/7SqjLmLzJR

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

why are you, as an adult, living on camino del sur. grow up

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

If I were lucky enough to lead a tour, this is what I’d say: @Nexustentialism

https://t.co/YqO2P2CHYG

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

While all students will be celebrated this weekend, top students who earned grade-point averages above the eighth percentile will finish their studies with a unique distinction. @Nexustentialism

https://t.co/Nj6eBuk8qm

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

he’s a 9 but he interrupts every lecture with long-winded useless questions

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

he’s a 6 but he always asks you what you want from the arbor

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

she’s a 10 but she walks on the bike path

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

the corner sto :)

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

Me looking at niche IV twitter personalities canceling each other for no apparent reason

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Third-year Willow Hart spilled her Guayakí Enlighten Mint Yerba Mate in her backpack but feels relieved it was this liquid because it preserves her aesthetic. @Nexustentialism

https://t.co/duLwjgHM9I

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

Someone in the music building is like “y’all smell gas?” every damn week and people keep falling for it

[UCSB Nexustentialism @Nexustentialism]

suck my dick and nuts *as a student

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

It’s begun. One of UCSB’s most loathed rites of passage: the yearly victimization of a new generation of UCSB students by CALPIRG recruiters.

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/QeNUQvsmc1

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Here are six ways that Yang is truly pushin P.

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/8xtY2FYSn2

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Since the removal of the campus mask mandate, students have found their mysterious lecture hall crushes are only sexy with their masks on.

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/7pkaoC6o2R

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Hello. I am an econ major. Right now, you are nothing. We can change that, though.

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/vOlOaBzeBw

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

Wish you could come, girl! I’d fit you in my suitcase if I could! I mean, it’s big enough, but TSA would probably arrest me!!!!

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/VsapaxZgsz

[Daily Nexus @dailynexus]

As the hashtags #GauchosWithoutRights and #CALPIRGThisDick soar to new heights on Twitter’s Trending page, CALPIRG held a press conference to address their annoying and invasive ploy to get signatures.

@Nexustentialism

https://t.co/A5MkNmSZrt