Nick Miller

Bassist for Unleash the Archers
Guitarist for First Fragment

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

I've never fucked a tamogatchi but I have had wet dreams about my tamogatchi

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

"It's human instinct to want to eat someone in a wheelchair" -Vince McMahon

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Sometimes my brain tells me that people are only performatively reading and they can't actually read, then I chuckle to myself like "What an idiot, this guy can't even read" Funny bit my brain plays on me

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Eating extremely dark choclate (80%+) is like smoking a cigarette

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

29 degrees Celsius out and the guy in front of me is driving with a luchador mask on. Incredible. Only in Hull.

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

I swear there's a phenomena similar to menstrual cycles syncing up except with people with Autism. Anyone who has been on tour has witnessed this. 26 individuals frothing to the brim with the same Autism.

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Forgot my phone had Bluetooth on and just blueteethed my balls all day at work and now my phone and balls are dead

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

When operating a deli slicer, you must keep your hand flat, like feeding a horse 🐎

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Brought home a mirror in the back of my car today. Forgot it was there, turned to grab something and felt like I fell through a thousand infinitys. Reeling from the mirror vertigo still, feel dizzy as fuck. This must be what McConaughey felt like falling through the tesseract.

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

My surgeon ghosted me

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Imagine bananas grew out of the ground into a giant yellow obelisk and you had to carve out banana shapes to get your bananas 🍌

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

@skimmmms Tell me I'm wrong. Diet Cokes are too sweet to be in a cigarette category. Baby cigarettes maybe.

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Tired of people calling Dieta Coke a fridge cigarette. Everyone knows the real fridge cigarette is olives 🫒

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Having fresh bed sheets is like having a brand new cast iron skillet. You gotta season it. Except with bed sheets, you season it with farts.

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Sometimes when I brush my teeth I try not to lift the brush off the surface of my mouth like it's cursive writing

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Everytime I see something sick on my news feed, I gotta ask myself "Is this based in China or is this A.I?"

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

My Mom "I don't believe in red pens"

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Sometimes when I haven't been drinking enough water, I get super stoned for a month and get the pasties

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

My grapes are so crispy and crunchy and tight rn fuck ughhhh

[Nick Miller @NickMShred]

Metal shows are so strange cuz what do you mean I'm in a room with 500 people who all look exactly almost like everyone I've ever met