Nihilist Golden Retriever

I’d put something here, but what’s the point.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Who’s a “Good Boy,” you ask?

Trick question. Morality is subjective and we are neither good nor bad.

But I shall wag my tail in hopes of a treat. 🐕

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Dogs can’t catch or spread coronavirus.

You can all resume petting me now.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

This Super Tuesday, please remember that the only certainty in life is death.

Go vote. Or don’t. Whatever, scratch my stomach.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Oh thank god

[IGN @IGN]

NASA has confirmed that a 'potentially hazardous' asteroid is hurtling towards Earth at an incredible speed. https://t.co/1t1toayV0l

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

My sense of smell is 100,000x better than yours.

I can smell what you ate for breakfast and every dog you’ve pet in the last 48 hours.

I can also smell the slow rot of our free democracy and basic human decency.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Witnesses don’t matter, Trump will get acquitted and re-elected... hold up, SQUIRREL?!... oh and we probably live in an intricate simulation.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

For tonight’s #DemDebate, remember that there are no winners or losers because in the end we will all be rotting in the soil 10+ feet below ground.

And you’ll probably poop yourself when you die. 💩

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Fun fact: dog eyes contain a special membrane that allows us to see in darkness.

Still can’t see through the darkness of your soul because there’s no such thing.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

My heart is telling me to chase the squirrel but my head is telling me nothing matters and Artificial Intelligence will probably destroy us all.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Did you know that today is National Go Fishing Day?

Did you also know that we are one day closer to humanity’s impending demise?

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Game of Thrones finale spoiler: all of your favorite characters will die, eventually. And so will you.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Live look at the meaning of life.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Hey Siri, order a one-way ticket to the black hole for all fleas and ticks and also Stephen Miller.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

All victories are meaningless, especially those handed to you by men in black & white stripes #texastech

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Precisely.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Free will is an illusion and there is no objective value to your life. Pet a golden retriever while you can.

(I’m talking about me. Somebody please pet me.)

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Everything happens for a reason APRIL FOOLS

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

Life is meaningful and everybody has a clear, defined purpose APRIL FOOLS

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

(•_•)
<) )╯one day
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> we all
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> will die alone
/ \

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

YOU WERE AT MY NEUTERING, DENISE.

[Nihilist Golden Retriever @NihilistGolden]

<woofs into void>