Nikki White

StandUp Comic, Ballerina, Actor/Improv, Singer/Songwriter, Choreographer/Dance Coach/Teacher, Children's Book Author, New Mommy-my husband makes me do all this.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Hubby was feeling under the weather and after he told me for the 12th time in a 5 minute time frame how he was feeling I suddenly had the thought, “Oh crap. If he ever gets Covid... how... am I going to know whether it’s serious or not?”

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

What I say: Mommy needs to make a quick phone call.
What they hear: Mommy is going to be so lonely with only that phone to talk to.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Sometimes I wish I could make my husband go through what I go through during my “time of the month”. But then I think, why in the world would I want to put MYSELF through him going through that? It would be so much worse. So much worse.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Burning man has been canceled for this year. Which is a shame because I was looking forward to wearing a mask, stocking up on food, riding my bike a lot, disconnecting from the world, not showering for a week, wait a second...

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Kids: Mom, where’s Daddy?
Mom: He’s (fill in the blank). But stay here with me, let’s give him some space.

Kids: Dad, where’s Mommy?
Dad: I don’t know, but you should definitely go find out! And ask if she needs any help!!

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

You know things are bad when your optimistic husband suggests keeping more space between our car and other cars while driving.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Apple: Your screen time has gone up 99% in the last two days. Easy...

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Put Frozen 2 on for my kids so I could do a video conference call. Had to warn the person I was talking to that I will either be breaking into song or shouting out death threats multiple times throughout the conversation.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

10 years ago: Kick so high I accidentally hit myself in the head sometimes.
Now: Sneeze in a weird way and I can’t turn my head for a week.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Opening your kid’s lunch box after school-
Preschool: Please Lord, tell me they ate something, anything.
Elementary School: Please Lord, tell me they didn’t eat anything so I can send this same lunch with them again tomorrow.

#ihatepackinglunches

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Got to see Frozen 2. Anyone else looking forward to hearing a thousand different people butcher those new songs that only Idina Menzel can sing?

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Warning:
If you carry a big tote bag, chances are my 6 year old is going to assume you have snacks, a toy, and a coloring book in there.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Was saying goodbye to my physical therapist when I quickly glanced at a text from a friend that I love and instead of saying, “Thank you” to my PT I said, “Thanks love” and then quickly walked out. So I’ve been letting that sink in for the last 3 days.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

I love wearing headphones when I jog. Not only do they provide inspirational music but they also make it so I don’t have to listen to myself wheeze.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Me on social media: It’s so creepy how I’m advertised things that I googled once like 3 months ago, I don’t like it!
Also me on social media: Ooh, those shoes are SO cute.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Life goes by so fast, until you’re jogging.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Fun fact: a child’s whisper is no quieter than their regular voice.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

Whenever I tell my kids, “You can’t go play until you eat and drink more.” I always think about how much I wish someone would say that to me.

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

6yo:U don’t like goodie bags?
Me:They’re filled w/ plastic toys that I end up throwing away then I feel horrible cuz plastic is killing our planet
6:Whoa
Me: Sorry, I’m on my period
6:What’s your period?
Me:It’s a period of time where Mommy shouldn’t be allowed to talk to anyone

[Nikki White @NikkiDeSplit]

6yo: Does it hurt when Mommies have babies?
Me: Yes. But it’s okay, you know why? Cuz Mommies are tough.
6yo: Well, I’m a boy so I can’t have babies. Which means it won’t hurt me at all! Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Me: currently googling exorcissssm...