No Context St Elwick’s

Snippets from the newsletter podcast #StElwicks

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

And that was the St Elwick’s Neighbourhood Association Newsletter Podcast, brought to you by the St Elwick’s Neighbourhood Association Committee, St Elwick’s, Exeter, Registered Charity number 2835684.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Ok, this is Malcolm Durridge temporarily handing in his proverbial badge and gun. But they’re not taking this away from me. They’re just bloody not!

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Here ends the message, so to speak. Sorry to have incriminated you all. Please do stay subscribed to the podcast channel while I thrash this out. And, hopefully, the newsletter will rise again!

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Susan Pellington was so relieved to receive a box of fresh fruit and veg at her front door that she reflexively flashed the delivery boy from her living room window. He was in such a hurry to go that he crashed his moped into a cherry blossom tree and spilled his bananas.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Lesley Penge on Folly Mill Avenue noticed the trellis on her back garden wall was loose when she woke up this morning and she suspects it was the result of an aborted burglary. So do watch out for that. Could have just been a fat cat of course.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

They threatened to close down the ice-rink so I chained myself to a block of ice outside the foyer. But, by the time the police arrived, I was just sitting in a puddle.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

So, we find ourselves in quite the palaver…

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

I’m mounting a petition and would be grateful for your signatures. It’s pinned to my front door currently. So far, only Cathy and Jess have signed, but I think that’s because the pen on a string I put with it keeps being pinched.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

As a result of being suspended from the Committee, I was automatically suspended from my position as Editor-in-Chief. I have learnt since that Gary has taken over temporary stewardship of the newsletter. I wouldn’t hold your breath for a December or January edition, frankly.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Sally Shilton’s trying to calm Gary down with a four-fingered KitKat but she’s on a fool’s errand

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Before I knew it, he’d pulled Phil’s juggling clubs out of their wall-mountings and started throwing them at me. And Phil Mulner can juggle with four clubs…

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

I said,’I’d like to see you put a newsletter together’and he said, ‘A child of 10 could do it better’,then I said, ‘Is that the same child of 10 you get to write up the minutes,given the spelling errors, complete absence of apostrophes and the utterly bizarre use of a semicolon?’

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

The fact they all voted ‘Aye’ before I had even managed to replace the soil in the rubber plant’s pot speaks volumes - to conspiracy!

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

I slipped on the dismount from the chair and went arse over elbow into his rubber plant. That undermined me somewhat…

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Gary also had with him a copy of a printed Christmas Fayre flyer made by the Rotary Club, needlessly and flauntingly printed in colour.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Then came the sting in the tail, although it seemed I was the only one to feel it: the cheque was from the Rotary Club, signed by none other than Bridget Yapp herself!

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

I stand by my feeling that a bit of rain never hurt anybody and certainly never hurt a jar of piccalilli, if properly sealed.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

Street cred’s all well and good but, as I tell Paul, there’s no section for it on a UCAS application form.

[No Context St Elwick’s @NoCntxtStElwick]

In primary school, I was the only pupil in my class who refused to listen to Radio Jackie (for ethical reasons). To be honest, I doubt many of the other kids listened themselves - just claimed to for street cred.