Unemployed

After several years in Corporate America recently fired, now spend my time doing anything besides work.

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Bad news bears are my least favorite kind of bears...gummy are my favorite kind

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Just bent over to pick something up and an involuntary groan came out...getting old

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

I feel weird putting on a suit sober

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

New low point: throwing away condoms because they were expired

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Recruiters are the new stewardesses

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

At this point in my life I am too old to die young

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Watching Armagaeddon for the 185th time in my life

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

I haven't set an alarm in over 2 months

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Just got home and fast & the furious 6 on one channel and pitch perfect on another, head exploded, not prepared for this type of decision

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

It's been long enough that I need to mix up my friends, I reached the point where I know which one of them farted by smell alone

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

I still define a day where I do a load of laundry as productive

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

This is my hierarchy when I run out of toilet paper; 1.kleenex 2.paper towels 3.newspaper 4.old socks

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Just saw a guy wearing a fedora while working out, the hipster apocalypse is officially upon us

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Watching Pitch Perfect for the 73rd time, acca-awesome

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Big day; just watched three episodes of Veronica Mars, love all the cameos in this show, Sean from boy meets world was in it today

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

I have the work ethic of a retired person

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

When did "want to have a drink at my place?" become the socially acceptable way to ask someone if they want to bang?

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Tough draw for @ussoccer, sours my hopes for the 1 month out of every 4 years I pretend to be a soccer fan #WorldCupDraw

[Cobb's Comedy Club @CobbsComedyClub]

NEW YEARS -- @IAmJohnOliver is here Dec. 28-31! Grab your ticket ASAP --> http://t.co/ExauSgllfW. #sf #comedy

[Unemployed @NoJobNotLooking]

Getting wasted solely so I can watch rom coms guilt free tomorrow while hungover