sanguine stefani

friendly dialysis machine for all your sins

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

'If I'm goth mom it's cause I learned it from YOU'
*slams wrought iron gate to parents' candlelit sepulcher*

[jack @Bacon_Dick]

just picked up the Conor Oberst meal at mcdonalds

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@toomuchprotein How many? And further: Why? Really keeps me up at morning, man

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

“Hello, you’ve reached—“

“Yeah hey so um, i guess icky poopy stinky?”

“🤭 We’ll have someone out to you right away sir”

[Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby]

Pete Buttigieg tells chipotle employees when he sees people fill their water cups with soda

[tyler @tylerkeown]

me: what does this pedal do

my driving instructor, connor oberst: It braaaaakes, it braaaaaaakes, it brakes!

me: ok

[GoliathFan1952 @ByYourLogic]

it’s 2012. every woman you see has a fringe. you wear maroon jeans everywhere. the Obama sticker on your laptop is fading a bit but it has nostalgia value for you. your normal friends start sending you impact font memes. you have no idea how bad it will get

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

Vonnegut homies be out here like so it do goes like that sometimes

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@naturallythe Alt kill: the author

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@24merrittgold @livhines Talk bouttit at Duff’s tonight I’ll sign u up

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@24merrittgold @livhines Lol. I promise there’s no ill will or like even overt competitiveness in it but every time you’ve called me out on it it’s been like, Oh shit eff that’s, no I am doing it! Subcon chest-thumps r scarier that way maybe. Keep calling it out before it goes from yugioh to call of duty

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@livhines @24merrittgold More like magic the gath—wait no no, fuck

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@zakshresskey Same dude

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@CorySoukup Will that work for the Froggler cabinet at my local barcade?

[jade @SpinDiddly]

8 funerals in 5 days...I don’t know how much more I can take

[jade @SpinDiddly]

Today is the day He will come to collect...

I only hope my screams will suffice.

I knew when I bore the Ruby that I was walking a path well-trodden by many before me...all of whom met a grisly end at the hands of The Cleaver.

AND tomorrow’s Monday 🙄

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

@MatthewMasin Mmmph, truth my man (and reconciliation too 😜)

[sanguine stefani @nolansullivan]

Ready for Mjonday! 🤗😇