Jake Watren

a very clever bio

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

how do i text my cat that i love him

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

hello yes welcome to the rug store would you like this 6x8 rug it is $3000

also we are going out of business

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

are the tissues they hand out for runners at marathons for crying or jacking off

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

If I go to heaven do I get my foreskin back?

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

@meghcolleen No but fansly is

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

Who dis

[Mr. Undrafted @quinton_spain]

What about the Oline now yea I’ll wait

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

5 likes and I’ll explain cryptocurrency to my grandpa this year at Thanksgiving

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

David Attenborough appreciation tweet

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

@AGroff6

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

@JB3RG_ I was thinking more of stupidity/gluttony but pop off

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

@McEldowneyBrett @ERs_Softball

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

Watch me demolish 20 tacos for absolutely no reason

Have a pleasant weekend 🫂🌈✨

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

I am sending pilot Pete from the bachelor and whoever Aubrey Plaza is dating

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

All these promotions to incentivize getting out the vaccine

I’m holding out until they really sweeten the deal with something like:

“GET THE VAX NOW AND WE WILL SEND 2 PEOPLE YOU HATE TO GUANTANAMO BAY” 💉 💉

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

How does a non-binary samurai kill people?

They/Them

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

Things I like to keep quiet on social media:

•My finances
•My relationships
•The fact I have a gigantic horse cock

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

I feel like I’m experiencing the grown up version of getting beamed by my dad in the batting cage and getting told to get back in there

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

If anyone wants to just forget about everything and work at the zoo together I’m down

* I am calling first dibs on driving the train

[Jake Watren @NorrisWatren]

@GigandetKyle Boneless wings are for guys who close the fridge with their hips