NotFake OrlandoJones

The one and only, totally 100% real, not fake Orlando Jones!

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get procreating!

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a moment to relax. Have one last glass of wine before you have to swear off it for another nine months. Then take a deep breath, and

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the birth of the newest member of your family. So for now, before the kids come home from school and the daily cacophony begins again, take

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journey. There's a name to pick out, a nursery to re-paint, diaper company stock to invest in, and so much more to do between now and

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little goblin into the world. But as you well know, having done this nine times already, this is just the first step in a much longer

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book store. So now you know everything you could possibly need to know to be successful in your quest to bring yet another precious

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several dozen crystal obelisks. Instructions for using these ingredients can be found in a beginning spell book from any occult

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spells, right from home, using common household items such as salt, a broomstick (traditional or Swiffer Wet Jet®), assorted herbs, and

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mysterious blend of herbs to brew up a tea that has a putrid smell but, surprisingly, doesn't taste half bad. You can also cast your own

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lives in a hut on the edge of a swamp and ask her to make you an enchanted fertility amulet. Alternatively, she may offer you a

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Once relegated to the fringes, witchcraft is gaining more and more popularity these days. For best results, find a wizened old crone who

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rabbit may bless you by sharing a portion of its own fertility instead. If all else fails, don't be afraid to turn to witchcraft.

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decide to punish you by stealing a heaping portion of yours. On the other hand, if your heart is pure and your offerings are worthy, the

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rabbits get their immense fertility by siphoning off bits of fertility from other animals, and if you upset the rabbit it may

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slowly, holding out offerings of carrots and alfalfa, and be extra careful to be respectful at all times. It's a little known fact that

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prodigious breeding rate. If they linger before moving along, feel free to ask them for advice in growing your own litter. Approach

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Amadeus” by Falco on loop is an acceptable alternative. Seeing any rabbits hop through your back yard is an auspicious sign, given their

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for twenty to thirty minutes after coitus. If it's out of your budget to hire a live string quartet to play Mozart, blasting “Rock Me

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egg is lurking, waiting to reel them in. Therefore, to maximize your chances of conception, consider hiring a string quartet to perform

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conventional intercourse, and end up in the spleen or left brachial plexus instead of finding their way to the fallopian tube where the