Flex Seal (Parody)

Ready to flex, piss, protect, and repair? Welcome to Flex Hell. 💪🔛 FREE SHITTING on EVERYTHING! phil swift is flexc. ((Parody, not affiliated with Flex Seal))

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

please purchase flex tape, and our sister product: sex tape!

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

You cannot eat my ass without first eating my shorts, and that's a damn tragedy

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

she wasn't lying, that seal can flex!!!!!!!!!!!

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

oooouuuugghhhhh,,...,,.,..

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

Gonna be an eldritch horror for Halloween to repel children and attract Tumblr users

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

let's get ready to Flex that Caulk and call it a Saturday

[Flex Seal @GetFlexSeal]

Did you know our Caulk was this good? #Flex #Caulk #Easy #Repair #DIY

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

@PhilliamThe1st it's not too late

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

I have some gold up my ass does anyone want to be a prospector

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

@PhilliamThe1st Comedy

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

oh that's just my old college buddy Steve. sometimes, especially on nights under a new moon, Steve enjoys going on long and leisurely strolls through parks and the like, to "passively instill a diminished resolve into those who may someday stand challenge" whatever that means lol

[Nature is Amazing ☘️ @AMAZlNGNATURE]

giant in the fog

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

i'm back by utter depravity and zero semblance of shame :3

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

*roleplaying as a redditor's gf* Cope harder daddy

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

The bone marrow is the most scrumptious part. you people are sleeping on buried treasure

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

feeling sinful, any hot single MILFs (Moths I'd Lick Fervently) in my area? 🥺

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

Retweet to seduce a moth

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

*begging on my hands and knees* please oh please just go touch some fucking grass

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

i am filled with piss and anxiety

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

X Seal!

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

watching this app spiral into batshit chaos while the whole thing is making loud noises as it falls apart is a lot like flushing the toilet in the studio apartment i totally pay rent for

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

watching this app spiral into batshit chaos while the whole thing is making loud noises as it falls apart is a lot like flushing the toilet in the studio apartment i totally pay rent for

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

i think it would be pretty funny if someone genetically engineered dandelions that spontaneously combust

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

just put some “precious gemstones” in the blender for a healthy snack to enjoy later

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

my daughter(4 months) just swallowed a cinder block whole, making direct eye contact with me from the other side of the room the entire time. when she finished, she started making a clicking noise in morse code while slowly waking towards me. i love how silly she can be sometimes

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

EAT FLEX SEAL!

[Flex Seal (Parody) @NotFlexSeal]

This account was never funny