Not Zach G.

Follow me and be a leader.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Florida doesn't get Medical MMJ because 42% said no. Only thing 42% can get you is an F in school or a boner that sits like Stephen Hawking

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

The first ever probe successfully landed on a comet today. It's built to come in two modes; quantum super computer or anal mutilator.

[Eddy @eddylier]

Abortions are now illegal in FL thanks to Rick Scott. Happy Pull Out Games and may the odds be ever in your favor.

[Pauly Casillas @PaulyCasillas]

People are all like "STAY OUTTA MY LIFE GOVERNMENT" and then they shut down and people are all like "COME BACK IN MY LIFE GOVERNMENT"

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Aflac as Darkwing Duck #BetterBatmanThanBenAffleck

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

No one would be surprised that The League of Doom was real and that they lived in Florida.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

There's no "i" in "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her"

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Animal Planet tells us Big Foot exist. Discovery that Megalodon exist. History that Aliens exist. Sadly still no news on the Blow-Job Fairy.

[Pauly Casillas @PaulyCasillas]

What people don't remember is that, in 2001, DMX was nominated for a Grammy for an album where he barked. On songs. Like a dog.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Taco Bell is going green by introducing the Smothered Burrito made up of 100% pure recycled diarrhea.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Curious George Alexander Louis

[Funny Or Die @funnyordie]

If you rearrange "George Alexander Louis" you get "Relaxed Gorgeous Alien." Coincidence? Or just time to quit smoking pot forever?

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

If no one is going to call the royal baby a "royal pain in the arse" with an English accent on live t.v then what's the point.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

"You done messed up A-Aron" - @KeeganMKey

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

"Everything the light touches is our kingdom." "What about that shadowy place?" "That's North West, you can get a 10 for 5 there."

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Those socks you're about to buy for Fathers Day is his next cum bucket & the tie you think he likes could be his next noose #shopresponsibly

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

I believe sex is not about the destination (climax) It's about the journey (trying to roofie her while she's not looking)

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

I like my kisses down low, makes me raise my bat.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

I met @AmandaBynes and she doesn't have any loose screws but she does screw anyone.

[Not Zach G. @NotGalifianakis]

Hey guys @BhangChocolate is having a giveaway. If you've never flown your mind to another planet you might want to try this.