Not Jimbo Fisher

Head coach of Florida's Self-Blocking University. Parody. If you can't figure that out by the not in the name, you're probably dumb enough to play for me.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I left FSU quicker than Candi

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I just don’t know what to do anymore.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Alright guys, enough jokes about Jim McElwain. We’re all just beating a dead shark here.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Can’t blame the SEC and ESPN for this one. We’re getting, as Jameis would say, fucked right in the pussy.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Not much you can do as a coach when your players hold onto the ball as well as you hold onto your wives :/

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Preparing tomorrow’s postgame media comments ahead of time. This time I’m gonna congratulate my own team on a great game first, then Duke.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I give up 😑😑😑

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

As we get ready to battle a tremendous Wake Forest team, I'd just like to remind everybody ahead of time that it's not about winning at FSU.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Just kidding LSU's academic requirements were much tougher than FSU's, I couldn't deal with it and have no idea how you did for 11.33 years https://t.co/iQJWrzNITG

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I'm gonna steal your job you pussy https://t.co/eLUfF3yKJr

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I'm gonna steal your job you pussy https://t.co/eLUfF3yKJr

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

@lexiii_bryant don't hate, young lady. This is exactly the type of classlessness from rival fans that makes me tempted to leave for LSU.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

I'm thankful to UF for rejecting each my players and allowing me to mentor them and see them grow as athletes and inside-the-lines colorers.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Hey refs, if you think you deserve a larger paycheck from us, we could sit down and talk about it. You don't have to call chop blocks on us.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Looks like we're headed for the Pinstripe Bowl. Don't worry, we're excited about it. Our players are eager to test the NYPD's skills.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Bye week. An excellent time for our kids to catch up in their fingerpainting and counting classes before we get back to the grind next week.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

So proud of Ermon. And let me tell you, his progress on the field doesn't hold a candle to the progress he's making in his coloring class.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

We may be getting those state champ rings after all! And even if we lose to Florida I'm sure we can make some snazzy title up on the spot.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Me: what would Jameis do?

Francois: fuck her right in the pussy?

Me: no...

Francois: try to steal-

Me: OK never mind, we're fucked.

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Bad news guys, I dunno if we're gonna be able to get more of those state championship rings this year :/

[Not Jimbo Fisher @NotJimboFisher]

Francois failed his shapes and colors midterm on Friday. He's got a lot on his mind tonight. Give him props for trying, guys.