Not John Crowder

DM me pics of your crocs.

[Not John Crowder @NotJohnCrowder]

I like to keep my worst tweet pinned to not get people's hopes up too much when they stalk my twitter.

[Hunter (Let's hop on a quick 5 min call) @huntercoldcalls]

My boss just offered me a $25,000 per year raise

I thought about the offer for a moment

But then I thought about the shareholders

I declined the offer

I just can't take money out of other people's pockets when I haven't done anything to earn it

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

Controlling a submarine with this

[Xaniken @Xaniken]

Breaking: the DOD has just announced combat heelys will become standard issue to all US troops to increase mobility in order to better close with and destroy the enemy by fire and maneuver

[Mac @GoodPoliticGuy]

major news outlets asking questions like they didn’t actively promote the war

[HasbullaHive 🐐 @HasbullaHive]

Had to do it to em

[Not John Crowder @NotJohnCrowder]

@joeyyyy1996 Do you just hate him cause he's a better athlete than Tom Brady?

[Not John Crowder @NotJohnCrowder]

@joeyyyy1996

[Cameron Bradford @camerobradford]

Guy who’s only seen sardines in the wild commenting on a wide-open space: We’re like sardines out here

[Stavros Halkias @stavvybaby]

In Vermont and I’m tryna hang out with Bernie or eat pussy by the fireplace

[Netflix Is A Joke @NetflixIsAJoke]

Production for season 3 of I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE with Tim Robinson has officially started!!!! 🎉

[$𝔩𝔞𝔭☃️ @slvppy]

why girl’s named deborah always go by “deb” and never “bruh”

[John Kennedy @FrazzleMyGimp]

Following the suck tube at the dentist and it goes in a cabinet and its an intern with a long straw

[i like food @messedupfoods]

spam shot (spot)