Black Milhouse

You're wasting your time following me. Unless you want to know how to dazzle the masses.

[Murray Hill Guy @MurrayHillGuy1]

If you're a millennial it's time to pick your midlife crisis:

1. Quitting alcohol
2. Running 10 miles before work
3. Divorce
4. Panic baby at 35 with wife you hate
5. Pickleball
6. ADHD diagnosis
7. Dressing like you did in 2004
8. Blacking out every weekend like you’re 21
9. Weekly hinge dates
10. Ice baths and saunas
11. Board games and craft beer in the suburbs
12. Getting into tattoos
13. Quitting your job to explore your “passions”
14. Plants and the environment
15. Traveling

[Alex @GeauxSportsTalk]

It’s almost over little buddy

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

Ahh the Braves season is over early again so I can go back to *checks notes* not watching Braves baseball

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

New phone updated my Twitter to X so me taking a stand against Elon was for not. Everything is new and scary now

[roxy demento @falseroxy]

being a latchkey kid was sad but kids who had a parent home to greet them never got to live in that lawless two hours where you could eat something weird and you and your brother could hit each other

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@sidecarpat 2 times he could've and be winning. Oomph punt block

[Charles Bramesco @intothecrevasse]

[Me at age thirteen listening to Trent Reznor scream about the violent self-destruction and bottomless despair of heroin addiction] god this is just like going to middle school

[Tony Michaels 🎙 @thetonymichaels]

Just watched this 12 times. Going on 13.

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@badapplegate Domme Amerikaanse vrouw!

[Spenny Powers @ravens4dummies]

I have never related to anything more in my entire life

[erin @maizie_star]

having a hairline that never recedes is the male equivalent of having big naturals

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@baddnoise Chromatic Devils sweater goes hard

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@BradKutner Mission accomplished 🇺🇸

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@Alexjonestown_ What's his cock size? Does it work? Is it pleasurable? Can he flip it down and reverse it?

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@baddnoise Gotta switch barbers. I didn't need that negativity in my life

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@badapplegate I didn't see a Kroger over there. Will you be ok?

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@hshs_miller No no go on

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@SmashingPumpkin 👽

[Black Milhouse @NotJohnThomas]

@BradKutner How much is a cat?