Josep Guardiola

(Not) Ex Manager of F.C. Barcelona, will manage for money. (Except Liverpool F.C.) This is a parody of Pep.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Just popped in to see Torres, hitting a piñata strangely shaped like Del Bosque.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

@digler666 Spain vs Ireland was two days ago, then again, you do look like someone that can't count.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Spain completed over 800 passes whilst playing Ireland. The only way England can do that is to enter Wayne Rooney on Mastermind.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Daniel Levy keeps ringing me up, persuading me to manage Tottingham Jewspur. He says he'll give me a 'blowjob', is that a welcoming gift?

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Linked to the Tottingham job, even Pep is not that good.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Hola, told Del Bosque to get Bendtner as a coach to get Torres scoring, Bendtner shits all over Messi. #euro2012 #Spainu

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

If Rodgers goes to Liverpool I will be ready to swoop upon Swansea like Puyol on roadkill. Swansea are my mini Barca. #FCB #SCFC

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Señor Keane will break 3 legs today. #SoccerAid

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Just sneaked out of the team hotel, don't want Messi getting upset. Everyones still asleep. Feels like a one night stand. #FCB

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Just headbutted Pinto as he came down the tunnel, because of his ponytail. Little Messi is scared of it, he thinks it will choke him. #FCB

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Screaming at Busquets to dive more or I'm subbing him. It's the principle that counts. #FCB

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Wow, this Bilbao defence is getting smashed quicker than I did after getting rejected on taking the Wolves job, fucking Sangria. #WWFC

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Called up Del Bosque, he's agreed to play Pinto in Euro's final for banter. #FCB #FuckMadrid

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Pedro, my love child with Antonio Banderas, you never disappoint.

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Just gave the players a pep talk, get it PEP talk? I'll stick to managing. #FCB

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Fabregas and I prank calling Arsene, Cesc saying he wants to return, crying with laughter!

[Josep Guardiola @NotPepGuardiola]

Just found out I had been linked with Arsenal.