James Kingdon

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Why the hell do Crispers have re-sealable bags? Are there psychopaths out there that don't eat the entire bag in one sitting?

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

I should buy a bar and name it The Jim. Wives will be thinking their husbands are tryin to get in shape but no, casual alcoholic

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Pretty sore after a weekend of slow pitch. If this is what old age feels like, I'm gonna have to find a cool way to die before I get there

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

If you come up while I'm washing dishes and quietly add your dishes to the To Do pile, you better be prepared for war cause I WILL FIGHT YOU

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

I don't think Fernie has changed me too much, except I haven't cut my hair in ten months and I find girls in ski gear extremely attractive.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

It doesn't matter what sound or song I have for my alarm in the morning-I hate it. I hate it so much. Waves? I hate waves. Beatles? Fuck you

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

On a 1st date

Her: ...I thought you said you had abs

Me: (squinting) Everyone has abdominal muscles, Susan

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Tonight is "80's Porn and Fried Chicken Night" at the Royal. What in the actual fuck, Fernie? Ya'll are tryin too hard

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

@cheller08 YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO ASK FOR LIKES MICHELLE. But I'm a giving person.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Was just thinking...I've never had sex with someone from Minnedosa.

What are the chances of that?!

Very high. I don't have sex with anyone

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Other person: Hey do you want a Coke?
Me: Nah man I need to lose weight
Other person: It has booze in it
Me: Ooh I'll have 30 please

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

HOT DAMN I've forgotten how many beautiful girls there are in Scandinavia. Seriously, I must have fallen in love like fifty times today.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Air travel tip: don't wear pants that need a belt and will fall down without one. James you are an idiot and have shamed your family.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Got to dance onstage with Shred Kelly dressed in 80's retro ski gear. Looks like it's pretty fuckin nice out

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

I don't think I'm petty, however the highlight of my high school career was pegging James Tavernor in the face during dodgeball. What a day.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Still looking for my dream girl who likes adventures, pizza, and upper back hair.

I know you're out there, babe.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

I have sadly become lactose intolerant. Due to my dedication to the paralyzer gods, however, I have been blessed and they do not harm me

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

I miss the ol' MB sometimes sure, but I'm also slowly skinny dipping my way through BC's lakes, and that's pretty cool too

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Blood that I've donated could be in someone's boner right now. Even though I'm not getting laid, my blood is helping out.
And that's nice.

[James Kingdon @NotSoSlimJim13]

Fernie life is rough. The hardest part right now is some Manitoba friends are out so I have to go skiing and drinking with them. Yuck