Burke Johnson

“What an absolute delight!” – all waiters after our tête-à-tête, I assume.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@CrAzYoGaBbY @GillAdam10578 Education.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@BreezeAirways Would you consider a route between SBY-ISP? Existing Breeze airports, city pair unserved by train or bus service, strong leisure demand, ideal for Thurs/Sun seasonal flying, both Hamptons and NYC access. I would use this route CONSTANTLY.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@scriptumsent When they finally came for the milk, there was no one left to speak for the hotel.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

[Checking watch, sighing] Everybody get up, it’s time to slam now.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Since we all have to state where we stand: I don’t support groups that indiscriminately kill people. Or groups that discriminately kill people - those are kinda just as bad I guess… unless the discrimination is based on texting me “whatcha up to next weekend”

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Teddy, baby, what’s better than a fake dystopia?

[DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm]

The first trailer for the ‘SQUID GAME’ reality series has been released.

Releasing on November 22 on Netflix.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

10 years later I got the chance to linger near @jessearmstrong1 at his day job and giggle incessantly without making eye contact. https://t.co/HBlXPuW1tN

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

HBD Peep Show! Mother internet delivered you to me while I was attempting to torrent Merlin (equally cool), and didn’t know I could laugh so hard alone watching TV.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@AerLingus I've been abandoned again.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@AerLingus I've been on the phone with CS every day for weeks because Aer Lingus cancelled a portion of my trip and failed to tell me. Now flights are sold out or the prices are exorbitant and I keep getting the "we're sending you to a manager" shuffle - THIS IS NOT OKAY.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

@LingusAer986 Who are these other aer linguses replying? @AerLingus

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Friends are always telling friends about their other friends, bachelorettes are when you realize you weren’t listening.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

At that age taking someone's last name is the equivalent of stealing a guy's baseball cap. “OOO! I’m BuRkE DeNUe now”

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

I didn’t expect to feel so weird about changing my last name. Maybe 'cuz we’re getting married older? Like it’s one thing to ask a 18 year old to change her last name - she just asked you to call her TJ a month ago.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Excited to announce the launch of my new site ETZEE - we do crafts, a little differently.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Anxiety is the new lactose intolerance - everyone has it without testing for it, but only white girls make it their whole thing.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

"I want you, but no strings attached" - Me, talking to celery.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

laundry is what makes this house a ✨laundromat♥️

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

Reporting back. They do. And you don't want to know.

[Burke Johnson @NotThatBJ]

I wish fare machines could check whether I have value.