Not Tom Ricketts

I used to live across the street from Wrigley Field! Buy Cubs tickets! I met my wife in the bleachers! Buy Cubs tickets!

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

turning a big dial taht says "Trades" on it and constantly looking back at the audience for approval like a contestant on the price is right

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

I think even Todd might be able to run Twitter better than Doge Boy over there.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Dad wouldn't give me an advance on my allowance for the blue check

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

We were doing Kyle Schwarber unexpectedly playing in the World Series before it was cool.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Very excited to see #NoToRicketts trending. You guys must really like me.

Wait...

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Todd said he had it under control.

[Bleacher Nation @BleacherNation]

And the stream was taken down before it started. This is not great.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

HERE WE GO. POSSIBLE LAST PLAYOFF SPOT, HERE WE GO!
<clap clap>

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

LET'S GO, THIRD PLACE!
<clap clap clapclapclap>

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

God I love this division.

[Jeff Passan @JeffPassan]

BREAKING: The Seattle Mariners are finalizing a trade to acquire All-Star outfielder Jesse Winker from the Cincinnati Reds, sources familiar with the deal tell ESPN.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

At least we're not trading away one of our best players like some other teams in town. We did that already last year. A few times.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Very excited to get back to not signing anybody since we don't have any money still.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Todd is already growing his mustache so he can be like Ted Lasso when we make him manager of Chelsea.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Hey, at least I didn't sell the statues of Billy and Ron to the NY Times!

(They weren't interested)

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Still prefer Dick Pole, TBH.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Everybody on here is tweeting about dick pics for some reason today. Anyway, here's mine.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

It's all the same, dude. My dad doesn't like brown people. Kyle didn't like protesters. I don't like the players taking all my money my dad worked so hard to earn to buy me this team. It's all playing defense.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Hey man. I'm with you. You gotta kill or be killed. That's what my dad taught me. I'm still not sure if he was talking about in business or if we see brown people, but whatever man. We're on the same page.

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

We decided to go with the Kyle Rittenhouse Strategy where we defensively murder a whole league.

[Evan Drellich @EvanDrellich]

Rob Manfred, in letter to fans: "This defensive lockout was necessary because the Players Association’s vision for Major League Baseball would threaten the ability of most teams to be competitive. It’s simply not a viable option."

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Our people are worried about her aging curve. We need to spend intelligently. Biblical losses... things of that nature...

[Not Tom Ricketts @NotTomRicketts]

Acquire #2 starter. Check.

[Chicago Cubs @Cubs]

The #Cubs today claimed LHP Wade Miley off waivers from the Reds.