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[Kurrco @Kurrco]

"Normalize glazing the bros" — Drake

Drake and Kevin Durant link up in a new ad for KD's 19th signature Nike sneaker 👀

[Ana♡ @khalen444]

"you're not that old"
-bro when i played league there was no champ select, we had to type in what we wanted to play and who was the quickest got it

[Slatt♱ @SlatDontMiss]

Rakai was really going through it while working out at the Diamond Gym 😭😭

[Kentah Gwanjez @GWANJEZ]

"You know how we say it takes a village to raise a child? But what if the village is retarded?..."

[ThorDKidd @ThorDKidd]

When ExtraEmily got mistaken as a crack cooker in a parking lot while she was making steak on stream 😭😭

[DJ Kam Bennett @KameronBennett]

Damn gun bigger than he is 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 bro caught a stray from the worker

[Phoenix Insurgent @PhxInsurgent]

You can just do stuff.

[𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖎𝖔𝖕𝖍𝖎𝖑𝖎𝖆 @sunlove]

@RealChalamet lisan al gahib

[JA @jesse_altman]

@CrazyVibes_1 Beautiful story, absolutely atrocious floor.

[Nae @NaesCloset]

People with a small stool in their bathroom by the toilet do not play around.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[G 🇭🇹 @RubbBandGrant]

Niggas get into fashion and start calling shirts, “pieces” nigga just say shirt

[Macaiyla @macaiyla]

Welcome to Derry is so fucking good I can’t believe I don’t see more people talking about it on my feed bruhhhhh

[Slimm 🦅 @Dizzy_3D]

Took a nap instead of cleaning the house and my girl jus walked in the door

[Tyler “Beaver Basher” O’Connor @BeaverBasher67]

This class boring as hell

[Nyatsimba Mutotesi @timiretimzzy2]

I run every day for 30 minutes, if I miss a day I add 30 minutes to the next day.
This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

[Karen Resorcé @hr_unhinged]

Yesterday I noticed the office printer was working perfectly, which raised my suspicion immediately.

I checked the logs and saw someone had cleared a paper jam at 3:12 p.m.

No ticket, no Slack, no communication.

Just silent action.

I asked the office if anyone had fixed it.

Everyone looked confused except one employee, who stared at his laptop a little too hard.

I pulled him aside afterward.

He admitted he unjammed it because “it was right there” and “took five seconds.”

I told him unilateral problem-solving disrupts our culture of collaboration and that he needed to go through the right channels if he wanted to take on a new project outside of his job description.

He said he didn’t realize fixing things was a chain-of-command issue.

I told him everything is a chain-of-command issue.

I wrote down “rogue operational autonomy” and locked the printer tray.

[Noah Ryan @NoahRyanCo]

Tech-abstinence is the next big status symbol. Sustained focus without the need to check your phone. Immunity to brainrot. Total detachment from the algorithmic overlords.

Most people are already too far gone.