The Gospel According to St. Brandon

I wonder how late the bars stay open in Fuckedville

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Welcome to Fuckedville, population us

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

@shellenberger The Right has been programming cops to believe they're constantly under threat, which is getting people killed, but you don't have a problem with that. Enjoy your Kiwi Parade Gloss lollipop

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

.@UPS out here giving DHL a run for its money for the title of Worst Delivery Company Ever

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Nothing I love better than buying meat from @kroger that goes bad a week before the expiration. Thanks for ruining dinner

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

New Springsteen lyrics:

Well, they blew up the Chicken Man on Twitter last night
#TACO

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

I'm getting really tired of the meat I buy from @kroger going bad in less than 3 days

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Hey, @FanDuelSN_Help, why am I paying for vast swaths of the screen to be randomly covered by a @TMobile ad? All the score and star graphics were hidden. Get it together

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

.@goldstarchili: "Why are people immediately deleting our app after install?"

Answer:

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Hey, @traecrowder, they grow coffee in Puerto Rico, too. And damn good coffee at that. And it's cheaper than the crap they grow in Hawai'i

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Hey, @CoreyRForrester, if I was passing through the greater Chickamauga area, where's a good place to get a good meal?

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Undercover, eh? Should be easy, since no one has any idea who the fuck you are

[James O'Keefe @JamesOKeefeIII]

OMG is deep DEEP on what’s happening in North Carolina. I’m on the ground undercover personally. Stay tuned.

If you’re with FEMA you’re on notice.

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Is there, like, a pirated stream of this shit I can watch in real time?

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

@netflix Comment for #netflix wrote a check their servers couldn't cash

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

I'd like to thank eBaumsworld circa 2003 for handling the streaming for @netflix tonight

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

I wanna get me some of that Azerasian Covfefe

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Fuck you. Fuck you all.

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

The "Harris Administration"? Does this couchfucker know who is president?

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

@willchamberlain

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

@AmyKremer Way to make this about politics you dumb fuck

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Shot fired? In Florida?

[The Gospel According to St. Brandon @NowhereBlander]

Workshopping names for the RNC reality show:
America's Next Top Fascist
The Amazing Racist
American Idolatry
So You Think You Can Suspend Habeas Corpus?
Nakedly Afraid of Brown People
Keeping Up with the Klansmen
Wheel of Fortunate Sons