William T. Riker

First Officer of the Enterprise, Ladies Man, Beard Fan. I am Number One.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Egg Nog is terrible but I have to be careful about saying that on the ship ever since Quark’s nephew transferred to the Enterprise.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

MRW the replicator says it’s “out of vodka replication material”

[Captain Scurvy @CaptainJQScurvy]

Our #MondayMadness is brought to us by Cmdr. Riker

@RikerGoogling @NumberOneRiker @RikerTips @officiernumber1 @BotRiker

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

@mdecapua1 @BeardOfRiker @RikersBeard @scootikins @lorenmdunn @CaptainJQScurvy Decades of grizzled Starfleet command service or a chance romantic encounter with 10,000 life forms from Beardon-7.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

It would be weird to call someone Number Two.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

I order myself to finish this fourth cocktail and make scene in stellar cartography.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Is it unethical to base the crew performance reviews on physical appeal?

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

First Officer’s Log: The holodeck has trapped the crew in a simulation from 21st century Earth during something called Spring Break and I’m never leaving.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

In case you’re wondering: yes, everything else is covered in beard too.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Every time Picard tells me I have the bridge, I whisper “I’m the captain now” to myself.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

There’s a giant space whale trying to mate with the ship and it’s the best day if my life.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

In hindsight, saying “it’s lit” after shooting that guy with a phaser was probably in poor taste.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Ever notice how everyone in Ten Forward is just staring down at their tricorders instead of talking?

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Ejecting the warp core is Geordi’s solution for EVERYTHING.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

It’s really more of a burgundy alert.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Troi dug up an ancient Earth recipe for the replicators that really just speaks to me as a person. They’re called “nachos”

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

I’m delighted that the captain now comes to poker night and not just because I can see his hand reflected in that shiny bald head.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Data took us out of warp too close to a star so I’m headed to Ten Forward with some replicated tanning oil and no shirt.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Trying to teach Worf how to sit like a man.
1. Approach chair with bearded confidence.
2. Swing your leg over the top of the chair.
3. Say: “Sup, crew?”

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

First Officer’s Log: It’s now month three since the last weird alien pregnancy on the ship.

[William T. Riker @NumberOneRiker]

Tried doing some historical research on the 45th president of the old United States but the ship’s computer just keeps giving me an error.