Nuttallkid

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

Nobody: _______

Emily: "Hey, remember when we murdered that elephant in that game?"

Freaking WHY??

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

If there's two things I love, it's sinning and wasting the prayers of the faithful.

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"I wonder if we had kids, what they'd be into."

"...IDK. Antidepressants probably."

#riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

Can you help me put away the... Mashed... rutabaega? (Potatoes)

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"oh my God... Like the alphabet is crazy! Letters are basically hieroglyphics!"

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

It's like taking baby from a candy!

Wait, shit. I thought I said it right.

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

I think it's funny that girl brunch is getting all fancy and meeting up.

Guy brunch is like, "Yo, you want waffles, eggs, and bacon?"

"Yup."

"Wine in your OJ?"

"Hells yeah."

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"Hey Michael, how big is a twelve inch pizza?"

I'll have to double check, but I think about a foot.

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

Michael, what's in this dip?? It's good!
"Hatred"
No seriously.
"Anger. Murder. Sadness."
*angry stares*
"Okay fine...

The blood of a thousand orphans."

Goddamn it.

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

*me thinking I'm being funny showing my partner a picture of a baby donkey"

Hey babe, wanna see a picture of a cute ass?

"honey, I see a picture of you every day."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

Get a turtle and name her Miss Shelle

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

A line of BDSM wines. Starting with "Pain-o-Grigio"

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"My brain isn't as high as my body feels..."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

*Emily kicks the drink out of my hand*

"Ope, you're sorry.

...wait..."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"I'm just saying, if we have another civil war, it had better be in Nebraska. We can get rid of that shit.

... Plus it smells bad."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"Bro I ate so much ice cream last night, I think my boobs got bigger!"

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

Her: "I don't know I guess my first bad boy crush was Prince Zuko. Like, he just doesn't care."

*Me, sighing and starting to walk out of the room*

Her: "Wait, no! Babe I love you because I think you're sweet and caring!"

Me, monotone: "Honestly, I don't care what you think."

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"can you tie a knot in your tongue with a cherry stem?... Wait, that but not drunk."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"I went in... To get nachos... But they were out of nacho cheese. So I threw them away and left."

#Riggdiculous

[Nuttallkid @NuttallKid]

"It's not a good war if there aren't at least a few casualties."

#Riggdiculous