LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫 | 𝒒𝒖𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆, with ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ a 𝑩𝑰𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 tongue. (parody)

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐓, 𝖺 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝖼𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝖿
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝗄𝖺𝖾𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗁𝖾𝗇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝙵𝙸𝙻𝙴𝚂 𝙾𝙵 #𝓓𝖠𝖤𝖬𝖮𝖭𝖤𝖲

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀𝖺 𝗆𝖺𝗂𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝗍𝖾𝗋𝖺𝗍𝖾 𝗉𝗈𝗋𝗍𝗋𝖺𝗒𝖺𝗅.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀#witcherrp
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ♡ & ↻
⠀

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

@14thofthehiIl / 😭😭 All these witchers are so damn horny for triss

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Lambert blows out the breath he'd been holding, and nods. "I've lived a long time like this. It's fine the way it is."

He is scared. Not that he'd ever put into those words, really, but the feeling that creeps through him whenever he talks about something like this... yeah.

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"ah."

she won't say that he's scared, because that's a bomb she doesn't want to light the fuse of, thanks.

"alright. so you feel like it's not worth what could potentially happen. that's... understandable."

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

"What the hell does happiness get me? Just more things that can be ripped away on the universe's fucking whim," he snaps, taking half a step back. "I am living."

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"which is what? living despite whatever the fuck they tried to make of you?"

she lets out a sigh, "you are maybe the most spiteful person i know, Lambert, but that just disappears when it comes to your happiness."

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Dear fucking gods. He turned around for 2 minutes and comes back to... this.

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Lambert opens his mouth to say something self-deprecating, and closes it again. Sighs. "The box is entirely less trouble than the alternative."

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

sniffs, much like they do sometimes, around his collar.

"sure, and i'm Queen Meve. listen, i will push on this because no one else will, Lambert, but you've stuck yourself in a miserable little box and you don't deserve that. and," holding up a finger, "i don't care for your --

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

"I want my peace back," he grumbles, wondering absently if gouging his eyes out would end this line of questioning. "Really, though, I'm very content."

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"honestly, given any of your track records, i don't think whatever you think you need is realistic," she says bluntly. pats his shoulder, light and warm.

"i'm rather more interested in what you want."

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Lambert pinches the bridge of his nose. "I don't need anyone."

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"i can always discuss anything, if it weighs on your mind," she nods sagely.

"all i hear right now is that you don't have a lover and you're a little jealous. it's okay, you know. you can always get someone."

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Damn Eskel, just because it's Lovers' day or whatever doesn't mean you need to proposition me

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

No one wanted to listen to your voice but here we are

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

AGGRESSIVE eye rolling.

"I'm not hiding anything. I don't think you wish to hear about those I pay coin to."

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"you should be. they deserve being shown off."

g r i n s.

"who are you hiding, Bertie?"

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

His balls are a perfectly normal color, for the record.

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

"Just because you're insufferable about your lovers doesn't mean the rest of us have to be!"

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

"just because you currently have blue balls—"

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Booing loudly

[-ˋˏ 𝙅𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙚𝙧, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙞𝙧 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 ˎˊ- @buttercusps]

oh, it's lovers' day!!

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Tosses an apple into the sky with one hand and shoots a bolt through it with the crossbow he holds in the other.

Casually.

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Lambert is snickering in the background, attempting to slip away unseen.

[ᅠ𝒯𝚑𝚎 ℱ𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚖𝚊𝚗 @_SP0RTYSPlCE]

⠀
⠀⠀queue some panicked high pitched screams.
⠀

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Flicks a fake spider at her.

[ᅠ𝒯𝚑𝚎 ℱ𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚑𝚖𝚊𝚗 @_SP0RTYSPlCE]

⠀
⠀⠀reading from her little spell book.
⠀

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Nope, that's just Tempest's cooking.

[ᅠᅠᅠᅠ𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝖂𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴 @child0fsurprise]

⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀✰⠀❛⠀Did you blew up something? ❜

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

@cutthroatkot Lambert just hums noncommittally, shifting a little closer and daring to tighten his arm around the cat.

"Yeah, yeah."

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

Squawks.

“Oi!”

[𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍. @cutthroatkot]

Throws a pillow at @OFBARBEDTONGUE.

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

They probably smelled the smoke

[LAMBERT, LAMBERT, WHAT A PRICK. @OFBARBEDTONGUE]

A steady stream of profanity is spilling from Lambert as he continues backing away.

"So long. Apparently not long enough," he mutters, He trips over a root – not enough to fall, just to draw his attention from Geralt for a deadly moment. He swears again.

[𝓖𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋𝐓 𝐨𝐟 𝓡𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 @SZERMlERZ]

"Ah, that's no way to treat a brother."

He is approaching the other, footfalls sinking into the silt beneath his boots, arms spread out wide as he spits grit from his mouth.

"It's been so long. . ."