I have a lot of patience for people l have a soft spot for it will be looking like I'm stupid for allowing you. But one day I'll free you and I will never go back on it because my patience has actually finished.
The same parents who travel long distances to help/ grieve/ celebrate their friends?
The ones greeting almost everyone from church to the market? They model alot about community and friendship. Alot of us think we're too good for mundane things.
Let's be serious please.
Marry for strength, not for sentiment.
Words like loving or caring sound comforting, but they are too vague to build a life on. Everyone appears loving in the beginning. Everyone performs care when it is easy. What matters is not how someone feels in the light, but how they show up when things are inconvenient, unglamorous, or quietly difficult.
Be precise about what you need. Not in terms of shared playlists or weekend hobbies, but in terms of your non-negotiables. The things that determine whether your life will feel steady or strained. Emotional steadiness. Respect during conflict. The ability to listen without turning everything into a defence. These are structural necessities of a functional marriage, not something you watch on Instagram.
Do not outsource this choice to the comfort of others. Compatibility is not a social consensus. The person who is charming to your friends or agreeable to your family may not be the person who understands your silences or holds space for your storms. Choose someone who is easy for you to exist with, not someone who is easy for others to admire.
And most importantly, marry someone who does not perform support, but embodies it. Not the kind that shows up in grand gestures or well-timed words, but the kind that is present when you are at your least impressive. When you are tired, uncertain, or unraveling in ways that are not attractive or convenient.
Because what endures is not perfection in every second, but reliability across time.
Sometimes male anger at ‘women getting special treatment’ reminds me of a gorilla experiment. One gorilla gets a banana every hour. The females next to him get one every four hours. Then someone decides to be fairer and gives the females a banana every two hours instead. The original gorilla? He flips out. He's still getting his banana every hour, but it feels like a loss because his advantage shrank. That's how a lot of men react to basic fairness for women: not as justice, but as theft.
Adult friendships require so much grace. People are very busy. People are healing. People are growing. People are taking time for self care just like you. Less communication isn't less love. Check in not out💛
Believing that marriage is a reward for good behavior is the only reason you are angry that the girl you called wayward is getting married and you are silently wishing the union will fail so that you can use her story as a moral lesson. I just want to tell you that you are a witch
Major cheat code for life: Learn to delay your reaction. Anger, fear, and impulse will try to make you move fast. There's power in pausing. In the pause, you see clearly, you respond wisely, and you avoid decisions you’ll regret. Slow down to speed up.
My favorite part of resurrection is when they went back and didn’t find Jesus where they left him. Don’t let nobody find you where they left you. He got up. You can too. Nothing is too hard for God to fix.
Sign that Contract in silence. Get that job in silence. Upgrade your life in silence. You don't know the number of people who don’t want to see you winning.