Drunk Obama

Throwing caution to the wind!

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Those jackasses painted my bus wrong. The motto I asked for is BEATING On America. Racists.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Of COURSE its a tax on the middle class! How else am I supposed to be able to afford stormtroopers?

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Managed to knock out Twitter for an hour. Take that, Conservatives!

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

If you people love your Second Amendment rights so much, why don't you marry them? #ActuallyLegalInMyThirdTerm

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

It's okay, Oversight Committee. I hold Holder in contempt too. And sometimes in the night. #BowChickaWowWow

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Racists always criticize my privileges. RT @NolteNC: Criticizing Executive Privilege becomes racist in 5, 4, 3, 2...

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Hey @DarrellIssa, my Executive Privilege can beat up your Congressional Oversight! #NeinerNeiner #fastandfurious

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

In addition to Executive Privilege, I've also decided to start exercising Droit du Seigneur. #GoodToBeTheKing

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Excellent! The subliminal sleep ray is working perfectly!

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

So I paid some protestors to heckle Romney. You jerks provided the money! #BlameTaxpayers

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Has anyone seen Biden? Oh right, I locked him in his room so he wouldn't say anything stupid on TV. Like always.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

For the record, I was going to tell a story about a puppy, before I was so rudely and illegally interrupted.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Just made two calls to the Daily Caller, both death threats. That Munro character pissed me off. Drone strike incoming.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Next, I'll be restoring the, uh, vote to felons. Not Keith Judd, though. He's not allowed. #DreamAct

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

For some reason, I thought Sarah Jessica Parker and Sarah Michelle Gellar were the same person. You people all look the same to me.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Had to, uh, cancel the drone strike. Axelrod thinks it's because he told me it was a bad move. Really, DHS lost the control code at a party.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Just ordered a drone strike on Romney's bus. Honk your horn at that! #GoodToBeTheKing

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Good news, everyone! We lost less dollars per worker at Solyndra than was originally reported!

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Tomorrow, I'll announce that I've chosen @JoseCanseco as my next running mate.

[Drunk Obama @ObamaMeltdown]

Why won't anybody let me be clear?!?!