there's this belief buried deep inside me that i can't date anyone until i've become the absolute best version of myself. first i need the career. then the body. then the confidence. then the life plan. and only after all that, i'm finally allowed to be loved.
One thing about adulthood that way too many people learn way too late (and have no choice but to learn the hard way): you have to be deliberate/proactive about everything. For the first time in your life, you can't be passive participant in anything.