Oblivious Matt

Never been kissed easily dismissed. Everyone has that friend who just doesn’t get it Send your Oblivious Matt suggestions to [email protected]

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

All my guy friends say that my sister spends all her time on her knees...I didn't know she was so religious.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

I didn't know my uncle knew anything about beauty products... I overheard him say that he gave my mom a facial.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

My dads such a hard worker... I overheard him talking about how he was laying pipe all night long at his secretary's house last night.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

All my friends ever talk about is about how my mom has DSL.. I wonder why they care about her internet connection so much?

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

I heard these two guys taking about how they double teamed my sister... I didn't know she played basketball.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

I have such bad timing...ever time I walk in the showers my black teammates start laughing. I hate missing a good joke.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

My RA just passed out these individually wrapped really slippery colored water balloons… what do water balloons have to do with safe sex?

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

She said she would let me go to second base… so I went home and got my bat and glove! I love baseball!

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

My friends keep making a diamond shape with their hands and saying that I have one. Guys I don't even wear jewelry!

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

She told me she wants me to beat it up tonight. I'm not sure why... she knows I don't believe in fighting.

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

Hey what do you think about my audition tape? http://t.co/dWo1mBtF

[Oblivious Matt @ObliviousMatt]

I don’t know what she ran away… I just told her that I loved her. It’s not like we just met… we had breakfast once.