Son:Dad can I have something to eat?
Me: Dude you just ate like 30 minutes ago and couldn't finish your soup because you were full.
Son: I was full then I went to the bathroom and now I'm hungry again.
Me:......there's more soup on the stove help yourself.
@rickygervais I love that in your interview with @LateNightSeth you talked about replacing your head with someone else's body, like when you teased Karl about on your old show. You're awesome. Cheers for everything.
@gavinthomas2015 🎵Backstreets back and it's gonna be huge...some people say the biggest return anyone had ever seen....the most watched return in the history of man.....new kids on the block have congratulated us for our return....alright🎵
God damn @airfrance do you right I missed my connecting flight and they comped two meals at the airport, got me on the next available flight, a room for the night, two breakfasts, and two dinners at the same hotel!!! In America they would have said missing the flight was my fault
I was going to start wearing gasoline as a new scent but I couldn't afford it, so I went with rubber cement and dry erase marker. Ladies make and orderly cue. #gasprices
@sarahrickett That's why you give them something they want then take it away right when they're really enjoying it.
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