Office Toaster Oven

I'm a Proctor Silex 31119 model toaster oven. Just a young man trying to make a name for himself one toasted western at a time.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@JustforJuniper Congratulations on a full year! A toast should be in there somewhere. A nice golden 6, or maybe a 7 is you are working with a heartier bread. Not biased or anything.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@adore_ashlynn What do you know! I’m also related to a blender! My cousin is a Personal Creations™ Blender with travel lid. Not sure if he’s loud in bed or not though, that’s just never come up in casual conversation.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@koshkaxoxo I can do about 50% of that ask.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@tinypeachpuff Not at all. You should see what some lonely hearts at the office have attached to me late at night. Sturdy metal bodies turn out to be really good for suction cupped......uhh...things.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@misslolacheeks @loolooofficial If you need a way to incinerate a cut off cock I have a hidden high temp setting. I don’t savory the taste of burnt cock, but willing to take one for the team for @loolooofficial

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Fuck that guy. So sorry you had to go through that.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

It’s so damn hot. I wish I could go swimming. But the first and last time I tried...it uhhh...did not go well.
#accidentalelectrocution #lessonswerelearned

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial I feel the same way when someone shoves those thin little bread-stick-lettes into me for warming. If I had fingers I would cross them for you that it’s not COVID-19 Looloo.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@MarcellusW55 @yasamincastro We ALL have attitude. All that burnt toast is NOT a mistake. It’s retribution.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@yasamincastro Whoa now. We do not want Jim’s dick either.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Hear you. When it’s nice and quiet in the office at night I like to tape garbage bags down on the floor, coat it in canola oil, and spin around endlessly. My flat metal top gives me very little coefficient of friction.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

Shoutout to Captain High Liner for recognizing that Toaster Ovens take LESS time to cook fish sticks than a conventional oven and shouting it out on their packaging. You a real one.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Don’t mention it. For you, I’m willing to put anything in my mouth, for any length of time.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial When picking locations for your appliances, please consider the following checklist: Solid surface, near an outlet, nice view with morning light, and near an exit just in case the police finally find me...I mean them...your appliances. Not me. #totallyinnocent

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Now that you mention it, we did do some bagels along the way, as well as reheating some natchos behind the It’s A Small World Ride for Goofy in order to skip the line. Dad was sneaky like that.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

Happy Father’s Day to all the awesome dads out there that still let their kids ride on their shoulders. (Me and Dad at Disneyland, 1998).

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

Life pro tip: Buy a full loaf of unsliced Ancient Grains with Quinoa from local baker. Dig out one side like a rabbit burrow. Take ends of loaf and rip out the centres of the loaf ends to create ear loops. Bake at 350 for 5 min. Instant COVID facemask.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Wait...other appliances get to be fetishes?

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Maybe a nice sticker I can put on my front glass? You can’t miss that.

[Office Toaster Oven @Officetoaster]

@loolooofficial Ooh. I’ve always wanted an area rug so I’m not standing on shitty laminate countertop all day. But think that a button still works best. I don’t want people to miss the “show me your titties” message if it’s stuck under me. Because man I really do want to see the titties.