Parker? I barely know 'er!

Just a hot slob🤷🏽‍♀️
Annoying my way into hearts since 1994

She/Her/Hers #BLM

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨 ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨ALERT🚨
!!!THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!

@g_eleanora11 got me the shirt😻

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

Little bank tip: if you're in the drive up and the teller is taking a long time to do something simple they either
1. Hate you and want you to suffer
2. Have been harangued by someone inside

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

Shows that have title sequences I will never skip:
1. Cowboy Beebop
2. Ted Lasso
3. Somebody Feed Phil

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

I keep forgetting my boss follows me on insta. My fake self-importance centering around how indispensable I am here is no longer a joke and has resulted in more tasks.

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

I have three dogs in my apartment. I could feasibly fit either one more big dog or 2-3 small to medium dogs. I'm just saying I get where the hoarders are coming from.

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

I feel like I say this a lot but I miss having male friends.

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

I have everyone in my office building under the impression that I'm a fun, outgoing lady with sass to spare. In reality I'd rather be struck by Thor's lightning than listen to you talk about your cabin or getting wasted with your niece hence the overdraft blah blah blah-

[Alice Iris :) 🎀 @omgthealiceiris]

Are you today's date? Cos you're a 10/10

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

Sometimes ADHD is awesome Like when I put up my wallpaper for over three hours in total silence. Sometimes it's ass and I forget to finish my change of address for my mail FOR A MONTH.

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

I just said to my reflection "I'm not cool I just like cool stuff" and immediately started crying. Happy Saturday!

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

AFE live never fails
#allfantasyeverything
#Minneapolis

[delia @delia_cai]

Don't forget if you don't have a hot neighbor, YOU are the hot neighbor

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

@g_eleanora11 This is my favorite date idea of all time

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

We all have one scab on our scalps at all times right?

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

My neighbor invited me in yesterday to see her kitchen cabinets. Her cat Bingo or whatever was rubbing all over me and then Linda goes "my cat doesn't like being held, but you should try picking her up" well fuck, of course I will, man. Whatever test that was I think I passed.

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

My dog: *steps one paw off the sidewalk and into the road*
Me: Okay don't walk into traffic. I'm the depressed one not you, remember?

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

How many visits could I manage before I get banned from the golf club bar for talking about the horrendous environmental impact of golf courses?

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

Just had to stop myself from greeting a regular with "what up numb nuts?"

[Parker? I barely know 'er! @OhFroCute]

My grandparents friends assuming I'm the eldest grandchild has had more of a detrimental impact to my ego than almost anything I can think of in recent years.