Ralph Jones

Comedy, journalism and books - sometimes all at once. Book about the microphone out now.
Also @The_Awkward_S and @criminalimprov.

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

📢NEWS 📢
Worked for years with @The_Awkward_S (and @ruthbratt, @SueHarrison123, @AdamLavis, @RobertoHats and @edshots) on a series about an enigmatic trillionaire called Tony Milch. THE WHOLE THING IS ONLINE NOW.
https://t.co/OAvAHuEv7S

[Boots Riley @BootsRiley]

My guess: at 83, they gave his family a gang of money (they throw tens of millions left&right) he wanted the income stream4them& feels like "AI" will fall on its face anyway, so he doesnt give a fuck

If that's not the case, extrafuck him. Separately, go see I Love Boosters today

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

Ahahahahahahahahahaha

[🖤 Chalk @BlackChallk]

Film school didn't prepare us for the reality of investors and producers.

[Yoko Ono @yokoono]

Who will win the World Cup?
A child who believes in a peaceful world.

[alistair green @mralistairgreen]

Beautiful 💞

[Todd Spence @Todd_Spence]

That time William Shatner was emotional explaining how it felt to take his first flight into outer space and Jeff Bezos cut him off to spray champagne. Like a scene straight out of The Office

[CONSEQUENCE @consequence]

Conan O'Brien used his Harvard University commencement speech to argue that humility and the human connection matter far more than any diploma.

"I always recognize the enormous role of luck in my life. Refusing to see how luck has played a role in anyone's success is simply ignorant. Many people are happy to mistake a lucky poker hand for their own brilliance, and fighting that human instinct has kept me sane.

"I honestly believe that community, spontaneity, and a real commitment to humility has helped me build a rich life that means much more to me than any diploma. And believe me, I'm not saying the goal is to renounce accomplishments, but rather to metabolize them. If you carry your victories lightly, other qualities –- kindness, originality, courage, humor, and humanity –- have room to emerge.

"Maybe the greatest lessons I've learned along these lines have been through my 24 travel shows. I have degraded myself in Cuba, Ghana, Korea, Armenia, half of Europe, Argentina, Thailand, Mexico, and Greenland, where I visited a real estate office and tried to buy the country. When I travel to another land, every quality I have discussed -- community, adaptation, and a sincerely humble approach -- are all necessary. When you don't speak the language, no one truly cares where you went to college, and you have no choice but to make friends.

"It's on these travels that I learned a great lesson: let yourself be bad at things. I have been a bad dancer in every country I have visited. But the people laugh because it turns out everyone everywhere is related to at least one terrible dancer. For me, humility on these trips can easily lead to humiliation, which is also a useful tool.

"Three weeks ago, I visited Amsterdam, dressed up as Van Gogh, and forced my way into the Van Gogh Museum, where I started loudly demanding a cut of the merchandising because I made no money during my lifetime. Guards forcibly ejected me. I was roundly mocked by patrons for my pathetic display. But I did see a lot of smiles. And not one person said, now that's a Harvard grad.

"In Tokyo, I met with a teacher of Japanese etiquette who volunteered I wasn't her type. And when I asked her why, she just said, 'face.' In Ghana, after accepting a royal invitation, I was kicked out of the Ashanti Palace by the Queen Mother, because her favorite soap opera was starting.

"I understand that I am preaching modesty and connection at a time when this is not in style. We are living through a period of extreme narcissism. Our current leadership in Washington believes that empathy is a weakness and that our nation stands supreme and alone. Add to that, everyone here today has a phone in their pocket that is algorithmically programmed to celebrate you and you alone by making you the protein-maxing hero of your own special journey.

"Much has been written about how isolated and siloed we've become, but for me, the antidote is quite simple. By de-emphasizing what makes us special — in your case, a prized degree — we can really find one another, not as an exercise in virtue, but as a path towards greater laughter, love, and real growth."

[Zachary Foster @_ZachFoster]

❝I am personally proud of the ruins of Gaza, and that every baby, even 80 years from now, will tell their grandchildren what the Jews did.❞

- Genocidal antisemite, Israeli Minister, @GolanMay  (2024)

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

Met Russell Kane when we were doing a tiny room at the Hull Comedy Festival in 2010. He was already a star. And he was an absolutely beautiful human being. Gracious, charming, full of support.

[Leon Samuel Burton 🇺🇦 @leonburton]

I've been very fortunate over the years to meet many well known people. Russell Kane was one of the rudest.

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

My best friend filmed this fight sequence between us entirely by himself - no other camerapeople; no sound or lighting guys. Take a look.
Full film here: https://t.co/BgBLZc4OVh

[Will Sloan @WillSloanEsq]

Bleak.

[RTN @RTNToronto]

In Toronto, a man pulls up to stop a bike thief from getting beat up, then the bike thief tried to steal his scooter and he had to beat him up.

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

I THINK this is the worst thing I've ever seen.

[NIYONKURU @DDismas37826]

Her first thought is different than reality 😲

[Selina j 🧚🏻🌙⚒ @OfSelina]

I would say this is probably the greatest joke ever written for the sheer fact of how many times your Dad or Granddad has said this line when an ambulance or Police car goes by with its sirens on

[Matthew Cole @mattbencole]

I barely survived “telling writers they have to read is gatekeeping,” I don’t think I can live through “telling writers they have to write is gatekeeping”

[Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar]

Do you think we are stupid . Pathetic

[amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde]

i love the "its inevitable so why fight it" argument coming from rich older women who spend a lot of time and money fighting another supposedly inevitable thing

[Ralph Jones @OhHiRalphJones]

“It’s always interesting what goes on when people don’t know they’re being listened to.”
Those lovely folk at The Quietus have run an exclusive extract of my latest book, MICROPHONE. Sink your eyes into this!
https://t.co/lsHy3T5d2n

[cam ☀️ @scrofantastic]

what a stupid thing to say.
hacks perfectly showed how these people want you to think it’s inevitable and you have no choice but to embrace AI. you don’t. AI sucks.

[Lord Sugar @Lord_Sugar]

Picture of cashew and Hazel nuts