Brandon

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Fundraiser by Joyce Stauffer-Wiley : Charlie and Rory's Day to Day https://t.co/DgxzStHeT4

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Burnout is like your brain dry heaving.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I’ve recently learned that I give off divorced hipster vibes.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I know I live in a good neighborhood because I hear fireworks almost every night. Must be celebrating how cheap the rent is around here.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Get yourself a friend that asks you how you’re doing even if you just accidentally facetime called them while on the toilet. That’s a true friend.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I ordered take out breakfast.

The waitress asked me if I needed condiments or napkins.

I replied “no thanks, I’m raw dogging it today”.

Why am I this way?

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Sure, sex is great but have you ever had a stranger hold you while you cry in public?

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Anyone else overworked, underfucked, and over medicated so even if you did fuck, you might not be into it?

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I now know that in order to become a man, I must fist fight my step father at the next family function.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

Welcome to your 30’s where you’re either in a love triangle, checking dating apps, or realizing your either too good or too bad for 60% of Michigan residents.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

When your ex who lives in Germany is the first person to tell you happy Father’s Day….it’s a lot of mixed emotions.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I am in my 30’s and no longer know how to have fun with adults my age. Now I just ask my friends to sit with me while I watch @TheBoysTV after my kids go to sleep.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

You know what’s hot?…..boundaries.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

I am “I have FB messaged my biological father 3 times with no response” old.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

@vvsmolbean I know :/

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

My financial advisor told me “smoking pot and sleeping with your ex is some lower class shit”.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

@ADAMDEGI Bahahah.

Musician/producer/artist/bouncer/comedian

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

@vvsmolbean Don’t be a coward Joey.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

My mother refused to acknowledge my ADD for 30 years.

I will now be dedicating the next 30 years of my life to convincing my mother she has ADD.

[Brandon @OhImJustADad]

@rachelrockstar Last Thursday I believe.