Oh, really mom?

@ShitMyMomSays was taken.

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

Me: "I wonder what's on TV tonight..."

Mom: "Dust."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"I don't know if I'm trying to fart or shit or what..."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"Do you ever fart in your bath water?"

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"When I was a kid, we didn't need a phone that was smart."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"It makes it easier to walk when you take a good poop."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"Fuck this shit... I need a nap."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"I feel like I've been hung out to dry."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"I don't want to talk to anyone that comes to the door. Or calls on the phone. Fuck people today."

[Melissanonymous @Melissanonymous]

If you or someone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. The world is better with you in it.

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"Good thing the windows are open, I've been doing a lot of farting."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"All they do is advertise naked bodies all the time."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"Ever see those cops with the fat bellies? How the hell are they supposed to catch anybody?"

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"I'll tell ya, I wasn't gonna leave that store without penis."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"I keep wanting to call the cab company Joe Dirt." (Cab comp. is named Joe Cab.)

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"That's slicker than goose shit in a trombone."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

And yet, you're still following. Now that's funny! RT @fuzemaster haha! Your moms so funny! Not

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

Thank you to everyone following this account, I appreciate it! :)

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"He can piss up a rope!"

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"What a dope."

[Oh, really mom? @OhReallyMom]

"It's as slick as a cat's ass out there."