Shane Hennessey

Living in the sunlight, Loving in the moonlight, Having a wonderful time

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Do you ever just see a celebrity’s life imploding and think “oh noooo, if only we were friends this entire thing could’ve been avoided?” But also, like, genuinely believe it.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

When your burps tell you you got street meat but you have no memory of street meat.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Someone explain to me how a cricket ended up in my second-story apartment. That’s some first-story bullshit.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

I feel like my next 1-2 month hyper-fixation is gonna be geared towards making smoothies. I don’t have any reason for this. Just a hunch. Already started googling which type of blender to get.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Ok, what are some shows you never skip the intro for? I’ll go first: Legendary, HBO simply knows how to do an intro.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

In other news, this absolute club BANGER remix of Waving Through A Window is hitting me harder than it has any right to.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Do you ever just sit and think “fuck, I wish Pokémon were real?”

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

We really should be allotted “collapse of democracy” days. How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on creating meaningless spreadsheets when a barrel of $6/gal gasoline was just thrown on this already raging dumpster fire of a nation?

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Does anyone else have a cheese tax in their house? Like you go to make a sandwich and you put the cheese on the sandwich, but ohp there’s a cheese tax and now you have to eat 1-2 slices of cheese before you put it back in the fridge.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Apple Music tried to put together a Favorites Mix for me and I was like “What a joke, they don’t know me” and then the first song was 3 by Britney and I was like “Well shit, they got me”

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Some very nice lady told me I looked beautiful today as we passed each other on the street. See kids? Great things happen when you remember to moisturize before leaving the house!

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Every time I sweep my apartment I’m shocked to find I still have any hair left on my head.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

In more exciting news, I asked my niece to paint me a picture of a sloth having a party. I received the final product today. I present you with “Sloth Party,” may it bring you as much joy as it brings me:

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

I told myself I’m going to make more coffee/tea at home this week and within one day of each other my kettle started leaking and my cold brew coffee maker broke. I see the new year wants me to be maintain my role as “broke ass bitch.”

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Wanna know what living alone is like at 30? Sitting in your couch with a glass of red wine in briefs, an unbuttoned button up and llama socks, playing video games @ 9 PM. I am either a modern day renaissance painting or just an entire mess.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

@LifeSavers when can we expect a relaunch of Creme Savers? Pls respond.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Superman just asked me if Mariah Carey was the best of all time. I was like she’s great. But like, come on.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

I just fined someone 15 twerks for yawning at the club on Halloween. That’s my role in San Diego.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

The giant inflatable unicorns on either side of the dance floor are a particularly nice touch for this club.

[Shane Hennessey @OhShaneanigans]

Ok, can we collectively, as a society, extend any “under 30” benefits to “under 32” benefits due to the pandemic? Asking for no particular reason.