Most of my life I’ve felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, and most of my life I’ve pushed people away without really knowing why. Idk, I’m sure there’s a correlation there somewhere.
I still have suicidal thoughts, I just don’t fight w them anymore. I live w them. Like they’re my neighbor, and I can hear them cutting the grass outside.
Emotionally I can’t extend myself in any direction, embrace any feeling. All I can do is feel everything all at once while I keep trying to maintain. It’s slowly eating at me.