Old People Problems

Getting old is hell.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I'm not dead yet.

But I can dream.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Remember kids, if you party too hard, you'll end up like me:

Totally awesome.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Every morning, I wake up and think the same thing:

Damn. I'm still alive.

Guess I have to do stuff.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I don't need to hear the weather forecast.

I'll check my arthritis.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Of course I only give you those weird hard candies. Do you think I want you to visit?

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Getting old isn't hell.

But hanging around millennials is.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

The only thing worse than being old is being young.

No way in hell I'd go back.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Our bridge game escalated into a knife fight in the nursing home common room.

Typical Thursday.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

My family got me a cell phone.

It's pretty convenient.

Now I can ignore them anywhere I go.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Probably the worst part about heaven will be all the people who think they're going to heaven.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Sorry I didn't wake up in time for church 40 years in a row.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Mixed with vokda.

Actually, just drink the vodka.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I remember when movies cost a nickel.

They were in black and white and didn't have sound.

You get what you pay for.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

My favorite part about your day is when you don't tell me about it.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

Remember when people threatened to move to Canada if they didn't get their way but then they didn't move there?

It was every election ever.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I want to grow old with you.

--me, to bacon

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I need a nap to recover from that nap.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

If you say YOLO, I sincerely wish you didn't live even once.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

I hate watching HGTV.

My next house will be a coffin.

[Old People Problems @OldFolkProblms]

They say people are better than things.

We must know different people.