Old Peculier

Just doing my best to impress All round handyman for Smeg United

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

@peestington I see, never liked your youngest. Little brat always made fun of my hair.

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Don’t stop achieving! So proud of my co-founder and I for reaching this goal. We have taken up a new opportunity to put our labouring skills to the test. Contact YuraPurv Co. for the longest and hardest wood in the business.

[Covid-19 @Covid919]

Great to be in the local mag advertising our new recreational business @OldPeculier2, YuraPurv Co. - The log life is the best life #mudrunner #sponsored #Thelocalmag #TruckerLife

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

This is a moment in my career that I will always remember.@ManjiManjdog whispered in my ear “You’re my idol”. As he held me, I felt a sudden poke near my pelvis. It was hard, yet soft. I think he had a Cadbury’s Creme Egg pointing outright, inside his shorts. This is football.

[Covid-19 @Covid919]

@MenOfGodFc1 You’re fucking shit

[Covid-19 @Covid919]

All good things come to an end sadly, today @SmegUnited have decided that @ManjiManjdog will be forced to hang up his boots and progress onto coaching following relegation. #MBE #CovidCAM

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

I want to disclose. Some wild accusations have crossed my path following my last tweet. This was a promotion for supporting children hospitals. I would never have any sexual encounters with children that are not my own!

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Hey fans, got valentines blues? Why not spread some love to the young children hospitals. Check out this link to touch kids that need some warm love inside of them: https://t.co/eEJOz6ARWh. #FeelTheWarmthOfAChild #ValentinesDay

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Management @SmegUnited has been dreadful. They’re trying to make me look like a fool. I’m nearing my 60th this weekend and they’re pushing me into retirement. I managed to get an off-guard snapshot of them when speaking to them earlier:

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

There’s been a lot of speculation in the media recently, following a “negative statement” issued by me. I have never been abusive to my teammates, nor would I ever. #AndysCock #ILoveYouAndy #FakeNews

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

@SM3G_Blobfish @SmegUnited Listen here you son of a bitch. Respect your fucking elderly. I’m outraged.

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

@peestington

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Today has been an important day. After being tightly marked by an opposition, I felt a bulge in my rear - It felt... good. Following the game I released a statement in the post interview to be my true feelings. Finally glad to come out.#OutTheCloset #MajorGay #BulgeInShorts #Cock

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Thanks to everyone that participated in tryouts. See you all soon at the @Paralympics!

[Hugh Jaarden @HughJaarden]

Getting to the end of the transfer window and can confirm Smeg won’t be signing everyone because everyone in the trials was shit. Have a good day. HJ

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

Just come back from rehab. Glad to be back in good health and progressing with the team. #ErectileDysfunction

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

@HRKUnitedPS5 @MNeekz I request that you reconsider your decision with the new evidence I submit: I am not eligible for a MOTM as I classify as a ‘non-binary-left-footed-trans-cow’, thus meaning I am not a “Man” of any match. The only time I did win MOTM was before my transition.

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

@HRKUnitedPS5 has the transfer window closed yet? My team has not accepted my religious beliefs and I’m open to new opportunities. I believe in an equal world where BigShmeatism is accept by all cultures #MeToo #FatBitches #KillTheQueen #MyTeamFuckingSuck #OneTrickPony

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

aHEad of us is a Lot of DediCAtion and determination to keeP on Top. I’VE come to realise tHat wE alL have a Part to play. we Must not lEt emotions get the better of us. #PleaseReadCaps #Suffering #SecretMessage

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

There’s been a lot of rumours going around recently about me potentially leaving @SmegUnited. Yes, we’re shit. Yes, we’re racist. Yes, some of us may have ongoing disputes in court about potential sexual assaults. But that’s football!

[Old Peculier @OldPeculier2]

At my Son’s U8’s football game. Just watched him nut one of the opponents in the head after a dodgy challenge on him. Glad I’m rubbing off on him. #ProudDad #Football4Life #SoccerMILFs #GoodToSeeTheKidsAgain