Old White Man Says

I say things others won't. That has value.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

@jaepegmafia @V1RTUAL0V3R Sorry but

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

ACAB

[Newport Beach Police @NewportBeachPD]

Smile, you’re on camera!

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

It's called a beer bong. You're not supposed to inhale through it, I almost died outside.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

You ever seen one of these?

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

Happy fall, folks. As a wise & handsome man once said (I’m talking about me, if that’s not clear), “We're all gonna have so much f**%*ng fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our goddamn smiles!” Enjoy today, pet your dog & can someone please bring me another bologna sandwich?

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

If I let being bad at something stop me I wouldn't be here. That thing some men call failure I call living. It's like breakfast, and I'm not leaving until I clean out the buffet.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

I've been divorced seven times. Sometimes I think I'm doing something wrong.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

There you go again. . . Giving me that look. . . LIKE I CANT GET AN ERECTION

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

Anything could happen between now and that. An asteroid could hit. Do you want to be the schmuck who apologizes right before the world ends?

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

If you knew what spooked me, you'd probably call me crazy and old.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

@DoomSperg You Gotta Pump Those Numbers Up, Those Are Rookie Numbers

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

I've been divorced seven times. Turns off your cell phones and bury all your money in the backyard.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

When I was 30 people used to wish I was dead to my face, that's called respect.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

Let's have one drink before we work ... to the empowerage of words

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

I'm gonna slit your butts' throats

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

I have I commanded a jet ski through an electrical storm and only had one casualty.

I saved half the crew.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

You can all hang out in your suspended humiliation and think about what you learned today.

One, don't screw with me.

Two, invite me to your crap.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

I'll show you the tool that's most important to our survival... but fair warning, it's my penis.

[Old White Man Says @OldWhyteManSayz]

Tell me how to get laid-back, or I'll kill your families!