Understanding Olive

Just a cat exercising her Furst Amendment rights. Interests: chasing bugs, sleeping, eating, eating, eating, and world politics.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Yes, we're that close. We've been through a lot together this past month and I've probably used up three of my lives just worrying about going to the dentist. At the very least, I'm tired of finding new places to hide to avoid taking antibiotics. Goodnight, humans. Wish me luck.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

So I'm chasing kangaroos in my sleep...I don't see that it's anyone's business but mine. Since you're here, though, thank you for all your kind wishes and good energy. I'm getting better by the day, which surely makes the vet costs worth it. He probably wouldn't agree.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

He drugged me and took me to the vet. DRUGGED me, though! The woman probed and pressed and pushed and twisted, and she even grabbed my mouth and yanked it open. Oh, the indignity of it all. Then I was drugged again. Now, I must sleep. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Oh, and those mugs I told you about? Not on eBay any more, they're here: https://t.co/s6gtNevnAC.

Did he ask me first? Well, what do you think?

Sigh. I am no longer the captain of my own ship.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Hah! Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

@MGWhipple8 Next week, Mirsa. Thank you. I don't know why she's complaining, frankly.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Anyone else having this problem? A human snapping photos of you while you're trying to nap, slapping them on quality merchandise, and threatening to sell it on eBay? I go to sleep in good faith. What is WRONG with him?

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

My mug shot. Photoshoots are fun. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Oh, I was so cute when I was young. Where did it all go? Sigh. Actually, since you ask, I'll tell you where it went - training a difficult human has aged me two years at least, and probably cost me a couple of lives too.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

I'm assuming his question, "Must you keep clawing at the rug like that?' is both rhetorical and predicated on the ludicrous idea that I care. Fun is fun in any language, so suck it up, mister. Hah. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Another standoff? We can't settle this amicably? Just lift the toilet lid, let me drink the way I want to drink, and we'll call it a draw. Sigh. I don't get why everything has to be a battle when we both know who's going to win. Your species is so tiresome. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Will someone please tell him? We higher beings do NOT like our water close to our food, because of germs? What is that thing anyway? He installed it yesterday and so far it's done nothing but leak. That's why I prefer drinking from the toilet - no germs there. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

He bought a robot and programmed it to feed me. Not when I WANT it to feed me, which is about every forty minutes, but when the robot decides to feed me, which is almost never. This is an outrage. If I weren’t the only cat here, I’d unionize. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

I ran off. The door was ajar - what else was I supposed to do? And freedom tasted so good. Later, when I showed up again, he pretended not to care. But there was no filet mignon tonight, so I’m head-butting my way back into his affections. Yes, it’s humiliating. Goodnight humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

He’ll make fun of me for this, but he’s just jealous because I climbed into bed first and claimed the warm, comfy side with all the blankets on it while he was still fussing with his face in the bathroom. I am unmoved. And immovable. Goodnight humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Whatever your troubles, no matter how many problems you face, take time to breathe, relax, have a little faith that all is going to be well, and know that I just ate a plate of filet mignon before anyone else could get a mouthful of it and now I’m stuffed. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Look, here’s my point. Shirts get torn and ruined, okay? Sometimes accidentally, sometimes during a bout of uncontained roughhousing, but it happens. I just think that you’d have to be a world-weary, materialistic curmudgeon to get annoyed about it, that’s all.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

First thing every morning, I sit on his bed, about three inches away from his face, and fix my new piercing glare on him. It has just the right amount of love to be imploring, and just the right amount of menace to say feed me or else. Yup, it’s a keeper. Goodnight, humans.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

No words. I’m gorgeous. Case closed.

[Understanding Olive @OliveMeetsWorld]

Don’t you think it’s weird that you can claw holes in someone’s favorite sweatshirt, throw up in his bed, and wake him at 3am to announce with your special, ‘I need a snack, pronto’ howl, and STILL he doesn’t get angry at you? Not that I’m complaining, but…it’s weird, right?