In order to become a better person, you must first realize how horrible you really are. Not in the dramatic sense, but in the quiet ways you sabotage yourself, repeat unhealthy patterns, hurt people who care about you, or tolerate what wounds you. You cannot grow if you keep pretending you're innocent in the story you've created.
How messed up must your life be if, when you encounter someone's genuine kindness, your first thought is about how you must have "finessed" the true generosity of someone who had absolutely nothing to lose by helping you? 🙂
The key to living a comfortable life is confrontation and chaos actually. You have to say no. You have to tell people to fck off. You have to be mean in necessary situations.