Jordan Garcia

The hole in the ozone was made from shark farts and whale queefs.
Matching socks is like a pre-arranged marriage. It just isn't fair

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Things I've said to the dog this week: A limited series.
"We do not disrespect wutang clan in this household, you stop your barking right now!"

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Things I've said to my dog this week: A limited series.
"No! You can't have a butterfinger because you don't even know who Bart Simpson is."

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

@1followernodad Taste like sand

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Lets go Jojo! #ufc257

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Remember when that one guy built a huge following and convinced them that he was making a better world and then when he realized he was gonna lose his power he convinced the followers to do some awful stuff? No not Jim Jones. The other one.

[Amanda Nunes @Amanda_Leoa]

I’m in! @ufc @danawhite https://t.co/WYesb9lqmg

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Enter #GOATBlackFriday for a chance to win sneakers, credit and other exclusive prizes https://t.co/3mC9QIw9CV

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

J: 30 year old dude, lives with his mom.
CN:
J: his best friend is a kid that lives next door.
CN:
J: he knows karate, and chicks love him.
CN: John, is this show about your life?
J: what? No. This guy never gets laid.
CN:
J: please, I need this.
CN: Here's Johnny Bravo!

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

From the people that brought you "it's not delivery, it's Digiorno" here's "it's not a rhinoceros, it's a panda bear" and other clarifications that literally nobody needs.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

#unicorns #metal #manly

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

How *

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

To be honest, we could probably cut our military spending by like 80% because the entire world just saw hi willing we are to kill each other over wearing a mask and telling cops to chill. Pretty sure the rest of the world wants no quarrel.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

To be honest, we could probably cut our military spending by like 80% because the entire world just saw hi willing we are to kill each other over wearing a mask and telling cops to chill. Pretty sure the rest of the world wants no quarrel.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

M: look all I'm saying is that everyone knows about the buddy system.
H: OK.....
M: so just use the buddy system.
H:......
M: if you see someone without their buddy then they are clearly the impostor. You will win everytime.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Is it weird that I think this sounds like a great night?

[MARIA TERESA KUMAR @MariaTeresa]

2016 taxes:

Trump paid $750.00

Undocumented workers paid $27,000,000,000.00

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Lmao

[Joe Biden @JoeBiden]

How much more did you pay in taxes than President Trump?

Head to https://t.co/h9ZZ0iBuiE to find out.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Still can't understand why we let landlords give rent increases every year knowing that minimum wage doesn't increase.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Since @tacobell is fuckin around again explain this shit. Your taco is overpriced.
Also bring back the chilito please.

[Jordan Garcia @Once_was_loki]

Haha remember in the dark knight when batman yeets Harvey dent off a roof but then his coin lands on heads meaning he wasn't gonna shoot? Lol classic.