I feel it.
I feel it every second of every day.
I feel those shades of black sticking to me and weighing me down
And hope that maybe one day, even if for only a moment,
I will feel colour.
I feel it. I feel it in my chest,
Hollowing out a cavity where I'm certain a heart should be,
Leaving nothing in its wake but a feeling I can only describe
In a colour. Black isn't a colour, it's a shade,
And there must be a thousand shades of black inside me
I feel it in my eyes,
Sepulchral, jet liquid drowning my vision and
Accompanying that cry of pain, of desperation,
Streaming down my empty cheeks to the corners of my lips
And I can taste how salty that ink is.
The sky is so clear tonight, I gaze up
And there’s no clouds. But I can’t see
I can’t see the stars either. No
My stars are nowhere to be found.
So I squint, the blackness only melting
Into more ebony and more obsidian
Come back.
Come back, stars
I want you to come back.
And without the light of stars I am confused
And in the dark.
Suddenly clouds begin to appear
Until I realise there are no clouds in the clear sky tonight
Only the tears pricking my eyes
And no stars.
It hurts
I yearn to see the stars again
Maybe even the moon
But I never really see the moon anyway
And it’s as far away a dream as Oz.
There is no logic left
For logic, you need to see, you need light
Lowkey half attempted today, didn't necessarily do it to die but I took 2 paracetamol, way too many vitamin supplements and some vodka I found. Nothing happened duh. Oh well. I don't think I'll ever be able to see light again, my hope's extinguished.