Sarah Greco

That's too bad. Have you tried whining about it on the internet?

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

Unfollow your dreams!

(marketing Twitter here, obviously)

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

We get it. You have a small penis.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

You know what's awesome? Not much.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

I'm gonna have one glass of wine now and save the rest of the bottle for also now.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

First rule of absent-minded club is I like cheese. Seriously, on almost anything.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

It's about your performance art increasing drugs. We all worry about you. Can you just sit down so we can talk?

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

"A certain degree of discretion might be in order if you understand me."
"Got it. Fahrenheit. No? Celcius? Help me out here!"

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

If you're right all the time it must be comforting to know there's always someone left out there to prove wrong.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

Back off or I'm gonna hurt you right in the feelings.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

So you preach the word? On Twitter we call that "stealing tweets" but we do it from different accounts rather than just God.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

Defrost means "to voluntarily wait salivating for longer than necessary" in microwave.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

SPOILER ALERT

The Revenant is pretty much when Leo is incapacitated in Wolf of Wall Street except it's a bear and not quaaludes.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

And as you read this tweet your eye lids are becoming heavier. You're decending into state of complete... relaxation…

Not working, huh?

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

Alien enthusiasts never tell you what's in the first 50 areas. Trust no one.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

"You are the light of my life" I say opening my fridge.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

So there I was being told they'd prefer if I leave thinking how did I become a preferred customer in the first place the way I was going on.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

I always carry a can of pepper spray, an expandable baton and a rhythm stick. Better safe than sorry.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

Trying to solve the case of the lost sneeze but clues are few and far between.

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

This means you should get to drive when you're three, right?

[Sarah Greco @OneSarahGreco]

I need to work on disagreeing with attractive people as much as I arbitrarily assume the opposite opinion of everyone else.