Onion My Life

Local humans who just can't even. We are not associated with The Onion.

[Onion My Life @OnionMyLife]

Woman Vows to Consume Favorite Snack For The Rest Of Life, Made Same Vow About Different Snack Last Month

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@OnionMyLife UPDATE: Grounded. Little brother visibly glowing glowing with happiness.

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Local Man's Opinions About Lifting Gloves Turn Darker and More Menacing Than Ever Before.

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Local dude scolds dog for peeing on his f**king rug.

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Woman Carefully Chooses Hairstyle to Match Lifestyle, Opts for Total Clusterfuck

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Jane, 37, immediately apologizes for saying “cool phone” when shown picture of friend’s toddler.

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Area teen forgets to disable caps lock, in jeopardy of grounding for perceived yelling at mother via iMessage. *Stay tuned for updates*

[Onion My Life @OnionMyLife]

Ex-yogi chooses to no longer live a #vegetarian lifestyle for ethical reasons.

[Onion My Life @OnionMyLife]

Area Seattleite finds stress in implied obligation to be out in the sun.

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After twenty-something years, man finally embraces germaphobic tendencies while riding #seattlemetro's E-Line

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"Bartenders Definitely Pour Bigger Shots Than They Used To” Contends Local Woman Rapidly Leaving Early 20’s Behind

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No Point In Visiting Doctor for 5th Concussion, Or Is This One the 6th?

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"Molly Not Even That Bad For You,” Argues Your Brain On Drugs

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Local designer throws in towel, lifts personal vendetta against businesses that use papyrus.

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Area Introvert Feeling Less Outgoing Than Usual, Considers 11:30am Beer

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Local Woman Convinced New Sunglasses are Key to Man’s Heart, Not Personality or Having Things in Common

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Update: Pee Incident Referenced Several Times During High School Graduation Speech

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Local 2nd Grader Pees His Pants During Recess, Classmates Will Never Forget

[Onion My Life @OnionMyLife]

Local Design Team Gleefully Dreams of Switching up Personal Project Color Scheme on Daily Basis